releases a sigh..
my day went well as a start.. I got scolded from chemistry (I'm the rep! ooppss..) teacher for sleeping in class.. was a nice dream until I heard someone shouting my name! haha..
then I was happily enjoying school life until hazel came in the picture! she is a total ***! she expects me to wait for her whenever I finish early or she has something to do first.. but then when its my turn to finish off late or having something to do, she'll just go off like im a nobody! why do I get the blame whenever I go wrong why don't u get the blame as well when you did wrong! ish.. SELFISH PIG!
and then I went for tuition.. happy time actually! then when I got home.. disaster! I didn't knew it coming.. I was about to ask my dad whether I can join my friend to a tennis training but I ended up getting scolded! they always say I don't do things right or finishes it! hallo! they were referring to, when I was around 5 or 6 I quitted piano! actually I didn't wana quit! I just wana switch to playing organ! but ADULTS! they do not understand ur language! so lesson learnt.. then since then they always say no when I wana start something! NO NO NO NO! why?! how would they know that this time around I'll make an effort
to it! who knows?! I was really keen in joining! and I was about to ask my mum to join too cos it's a mother-daughter
training.. but without even listening to a word I was saying, they keep on scolding me or so called telling me my past! and result was me ended up in my room crying and holding a blade to my wrist or neck! I was picturing my whole family laughing when I was dead. I was picturing them dumping my body into the river and ended up being eaten by crocodiles! I really dun get it! they always say yes to my brother
whenever he wants to learn something! what about me?! my dad even said after my PMR results came out saying "if you want to pursue anything, just tell me and I'd let you GO!" he said he'd let me go! HE SAID it! but sad case he's old and I don't blame him since he has so much to do! but the broken of my heart will not be fixed! I feel so abandon by the love of my OWN family! they do not understand me! not at all.. they don't even want to try to understand me! actually one of my resolution should have added : 'just live life to the fullest and do not drop a tear because of anyone! nor my family members!' but I cant help the tear from rolling off my eyes! how I wish God spoke to me and told me to not be sad because He was there and will always be beside me! but all I can hear is ME telling myself that God is there for me! I'm not even sure whether its true! im not secured by love at ALL! I feel so lonely and feel like as stranger to everyone! I am still wearing a mask that I promised myself to take it off since last year! but if I don't wear the mask people would think I'm crazy and an emo! I'm not an emo! I dun like to be an emo! im Hannah! *sigh* what a day.. a day of me thinking all sorts of negatives!
HANNAH, u r a real soar loser..
