Hello my dear readers,
It has been a TOUGH week for me lately.. Had so much going on that I just lost track with whatever I was doing.
Lost my way. it was bad. so bad.
I betrayed all that I love, I betrayed myself and especially GOD.
I led myself to believe what Satan would want me to believe in which is this: God is so disappointed in you, He has turned away from you because you have sinned so badly, Others will judge you and point fingers at you if you tell anyone what you have done.
That was what I believed in for the last few days.. it was DEPRESSING! I felt so lonely. So useless. So stupid. So hopeless. So weak. So tired. So.. Unclean.
But today I decided to tell Maria. I decided to open up and cry for help. To let someone know that I need help. That I need some strength and encouragement to run back to Him, Him who loves me so much that He was willing to die for me even if I am the only one on this earth.
Maria told me that its what Satan does. Lies to us and that makes us even weaker, even more fragile and useless.I thank God that He is in control. That he led Maria into my life. He led me to seek Pastor Lou the other day in footsteps. Led me to ask for his help for prayer. Then God led Pastor Lou to ask Maria to mentor me. I believe all happens for a reason. That is why I love God so much.
I have repented. (sort of, haven’t told my parents.) I have talked to Jie about my problems, I have patched up the holes in our relationship. We bawled our eyes together. And I think I will look CHINESE tomorrow when I go to school! haha (oh wait, when I go to school later in another 6 hours. EEKS!) I thank God that He gave me the strength to talk things through between me and Jie. Relief.
I now believe that all is possible in Him. Just turn back to Him. No matter what I have done wrong, He will surely forgive me. Run back to Him as fast as possible because He is waiting with wide and opened arms. :) I love Him. (full.stop.)
He has indeed done great things. (currently listening to God is able by Hillsongs) For the Lord, Our God is able!!
Oh. You must be wondering why my title is my title for today’s post. Joelynn is Pastor Sandy’s and Maria’s 1 year old daughter. She’s A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E! Anyway, when I was having my H2HT (heart to heart talk) with Maria, I cried. & I think I cried worst than a baby would. haha! I felt like a baby. :P
Oh well, it made me who I am now. I’m actually smiling. A mistake is a mistake and it will be in the past that molds my future. :)
After talking to Maria and Jie. and Eunice and Serence, And Rachel. I feel so much lighter. I feel so weightless! I feel like my smile is more genuine now. My old self is returning. I hope. Fingers crossed!
Love the Lord. Love God. Love myself. Love my family. Love my friends. Love all!
its all about Love – Receiving and Giving.
Love, Hannah
PS: School starts in another 6 hours plus! *argh*
PPS: Eunice is my prayer partner and I’m going to have a TEA-DATE with her! can’t wait!
PPPS: I miss my friends. To all of you (so many that I am SO LAZY TO TYPE), I’m sorry I made distance an excuse that kept us apart. Do know I’m still here for you. Do know that I am always your gal! :)
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PPPPPPS: please note that what I will tell you (mummy and daddy) might be shocking. But I will still tell you. Do know this before hand. I love you and I meant no harm.
