Sensitive. Jealous. Attention Seeking.
笨蛋！大蠢蛋！没用的家伙！白痴！
Yes, I always complain about you to M&D. I can’t read your mind. I don’t know how to comfort you, your way, when you are having a bad day. Its hard for me to swallow everything you throw at me. I am envious that’s why I do it. I am tired therefore I just let it pass. I cry because I know it’s true. I yell because I want to get your attention. I fold my arms to feel secure. I roll my eyes but silently I am asking for strength and patience. I am sorry.
it was wrong to say what I have said. It came out without me thinking twice. Stupid, I am. Wasn’t that what I first said? lesser than half your IQ and EQ. sigh. though I have accepted myself for who I am, what I don’t like is disappoint people around me and hurt them especially due to this retarded trait of mine.
No I don’t blame you. If its hard for you then just push the blame on me. I deserve it anyway. Somebody’s got to take the hit for the team. Just hopefully I am still able to walk with my head held high after all has happened. After all the blame I will take upon my own shoulders. I’m sorry for not being there with you when that happened. I’m sorry for comforting my friend instead of comforting you first. I am sorry that you had to hold this in for such a long period of time. I am sorry that whatever I have done to you might affect your presentation the other day. I am sorry.
I know I can’t change you or your mindset. If you think I was being pathetic, I am sorry. I deserve the whole world’s curse if that helps you feel relief once again. Sorry for blurting out those words that has hurt you. But know this, no sin is greater than the other. If you have repented and set yourself on the path that is in a Godly manner, you are then made pure once again in His name.
Shouldn’t even have told you. Why did I do that? What was I trying to say? I don’t really know. But all I know was this, when you said he told you that I might have my own problems, I guess its true and that made me wanted to just let you know. I know I shouldn’t make that an excuse to let out my inner and sober thoughts. It should be kept and not revealed to anyone. Horrible thing indeed. I’m sorry.
I wish I just have that one person there for me. Just there to see me cry. Just there to hear me sob. Just there to wipe away my tears.But not asking what happened. But that is impossible. So ya, I’ll just have to do it on my own. Simple and easy and effective. Human I am.
Just a human. How long more can I last? Honestly, I don’t know. but if it multiplies then I would say, not long. Foolish things I would do and have done and won’t mind doing it right this time around. If it multiplies and becomes heavier than the consequences I will have to bear, then I would do it. For what you ask? I guess its just for a second of emotionless. Just to be able to let go all these heavy sacks of guilt and sadness and just unhealthy emotions that are all over me.
Just stay where you are. Or maybe its even better to turn back and run away. Don’t come any closer. What benefit would you get out of me? *laughs* nothing. Perhaps you could even lose a couple of dimes here and there. No. I don’t deserve all good things that you are able to give me because I can’t repay you, I’ll just be a rip off.
You deserve all that I have. Take them. I don’t need them. I won’t do what you wouldn’t like me to do. I would just see you be happy and congratulate you from afar. I don’t know what else I can do. Perhaps that’s it. But that will only happen again when He hardens my heart (Exodus), and that I gathered enough courage to just end it. Funny how I’m already considering it. Maybe you’d be happier then. Less of me, all for you.
Sorry for the EMO post! haha~ Don’t worry! I’m alright. GOLDFISH Hannah would be my nicky tomorrow!
Love, Hannah
PS: yes, love me. that’s all I need.
PPS: there is a place for us. but if my presence would make you unhappy, I’ll go.
