the hurt inside...

hello my dear 'readers'..
today i am going to talk about a girl named Hannah..
what a coincident huh?

Hannah is a girl that was born into this place called Earth. She didn't know what to expect. Everyone talked in a different language. Pity her because she can't get the attention she needs when she asked them questions. All they do is to give her a look and laugh or some even carried her and whack her butt and some even suck a bottle full of white substance into her mouth. So the years passed by and Hannah learned their language but she can't seem to follow their 'rules'. There are too many 'rules' on Earth that she seem to think its a bit weird. When she don't follow these rules she would receive several presents that would have effects on her butt. But these presents doesn't seem to be a good one because her eyes would be drained with water and these water would roll down her cheeks once she received her gifts. Humans call it tears.

Hannah had a hard time following these rules and the most hardest one is to get 'A's in her exams. She finds it really hard to keep up, and her 'parents' would give her the nag or even scolds her. She would find a quiet place to cry to herself and she would pray to 'God' (that was what they taught in church). Hannah always think of grabbing a knife and slit off her wrist because that was what all the 'stars' would do in the movies after crying. Every time she cries, she would think of all the bad things that happened to her and she would look at the scars in her heart trying to think whether there is a way to mend it. Hannah recently got scolded from her mum and those harsh words made a really big hole in her heart. She had been told that she don't fit to be in this family. Hannah looks at her body and asks herself what part of her body is fat that she can't fit? She feels so hopeless. No matter what she does it would all be wrong!

Thinking of all this makes her sad and she struggles to be happy but nothing works. She tries to forgive those humans that had hurt her but she can't rub of the hole or the scars in her heart. And all she can do is to wonder why would she be here if she was meant to be hurt? Friends seem to disappear when she really needs them. Imagining that a warm hug and an advice would make a difference but who is there to give her those? Life is a word she hates the most. That word gave her such a big effect and she don't like mentioning about it.

How she wish that her life was made simple or she don't even has to own one! *sigh* She sobs silently alone in her room before sleeping. She would have nightmares about the ones she love would leave her and betray her. And those dreams are slowly becoming reality. If one day she leaves Earth and goes to where she belongs, she hopes everyone would smile and forget about her and move on.

-xoxo-

ST.JOHN AGM 2008! celebrated 100 years of SERVICE! kaka^^

ohsoannoyingfriends.. me.darsh.tV

~me.Darsh~

bla bla bla.. u get it right?

many humans attended the thing.. kaka^^

OMGosh TV is such a pig when it comes to food!

performance by SabS and Tengku Afzan..

caught u oh SHY!!

oh u havent seen the rest of the GLASS BREAKING!!!

oh no.. piggy.. PIGGY

my ohsocoolandcleverandnottofogetpretty seniors..

wow..so many of the lucky draw tickets.. but sad i didn't get any..

the loner found its gang?

a loner(mushroom) apart from a group(rice)..

yummy noodles.. but pity my tummy no space already.. kaka^^

*sighs* TV when r u gonna stop?!

"ROBOT" dance..?

edible?(its actually my waste and TV deco it wit cruches and flowers?) *puke*

FOOD!! yummmmmmmmm

me.Pee.darsh.TV!

MGSS performance wit "u raise me up"and clothes?

cool huh?

wow.. impressive much?

Tzyy Cherng with the love while a girl sang a lovely song!

me wit a peace.shyamala

group hug? me.komala.renuka(down)

me.komala

oh gosh.. Tv and me? i look WEIRD!

tV.me(weird again!).darsh(wth?)

admirers...

carmen hee.me

part 2 of the glass breaking event.. this was made by Dr.Hew himself.. (clumsy)

Chai Shin.me (peace on earth and good will to woman!)

annonymous and a weirdlookin me!

swt..==" look how short is darsh! *giggles*

she's tall huh! without my cap i must be one head shorter than her! oh wow! her name is Vanessa.....

my ohsobelovedyetannoying god father and his beloved wife, my god mother..

why do i keep lookin weird in pics? me.Dr.Hew.darsh

i can't believe Alyssa is taller than me! no!!!!!!

u need ambulance!? just call 019-1234567.. kaka^^

under this thing?

chin.jasmine (pretty seniors)

me.angel ang..(she's a pretty angel?)

the ohsofierceyetpretty pey sien.me!

okok i HAVE to admit that this year's AGM was cool! i did so many stuffs there that i can't imagine me doing in the next few years! haha! it was cool! but in the start it was sickening boring! argh! but it was ok towards the end cos i met new friends? took many pictures for who-knows-why! and i actually said hi to someone i admire! cool! OMGosh.. my life is starting to brighten up! cool!

kay kay.. i have to go.. it's goin to be 3 in the morning (1 more hour then i could probably in Gwen's song? [4 in the morning])! and i have to attend church at 8.30 am? oh no..
gotta go babes and hunks!
xoxo.. (you know u WANT me..as ur fren! haha)

what did i do to make everything wrong?

Oh Lord... may i know what i did to make everything so wrong?! i can't really re-call the last time i did something really wrong! i know i usually tell lies but that is when i do to make someone happy! i don't really lie to make someone hurt! i didn't kill anyone but i just saved one! but all i get was scoldings..scoldings..and more scoldings! i gave advice thinking it would help but sadly i was shoved away like a piece of shit... i waited for you to come back to me but all u did was to go further away from me.. i hate this.. i don't wish to cry but tears can't seem to stop rolling.. i know i'm too old to cry but what could i do to help myself? i'm so hopeless and useless! *sighs* i don't want to make things worst but it gets worst if i try to fix it.. am i just unlucky or was i just born with a curse?

can't i just have a simple life? a life where i can enjoy and not to worry to get a break up... suckish school result.. parents giving those youaresohopeless nags.. and most of all friends turning their backs at me.. why can't my life be a care free one? a life where i would really be so lucky to have.. i just had a very very horrible week.. i got the most hurting thing that a girl having a boyfriend would not want to have.. i tried to not think of what happened and him.. but the images of his just poppin in my head and what could i do other than to cry hopelessly about it without anyone being with me to comfort me.. i keep flashing back to see our memories and i really wished those times would be forever.. *cries to myself*

Just came back from school to find out someone 'attacked' me in my C-BOX! i think this person 'attacked' hazel too! but why? what did we do, huh u perv? ANSWER ME!! how i wish i could track u down u useless piece of SHIT! argh... don't u have other works to do? make your life a bit more useful lar! *sigh* i pity your parents who gave birth to a useless PIECE OF JUNK like u! i guess they really regretted to have not eaten the pills.. pity pity is all i can say! now.. since i had finished laying my heart here its time for me to go now to INNISFREE.. so long my dear friends.. tata^^ XOXO

wat a HOLIDAY!

我的天啊!
我活在這世界上現在都沒意思了!
唉! 好悲慘哦!
ok.. no more chinese... its so hard for me since i drop out of chinese subject... plus the teacher is so rude! argh... hate it! talking about school stuffs, we're having a time off for two weeks i think.. and guess where i'm going to for the holidays? SCHOOL!!!(out of all places, why school rite?) can u actually believe it? i'm spending the usualgoodholidayswithfriendsandshopping in school! argh! i know i know its for my own good since exam is near but what the hell, all schools are in their own world during their holidays and mine is like forcing us to study?! not fair! not fair at all! ish! i know when to study but sad those bunch of uselessbitches in school doesn't! so for fairness they made us all go for this studying thing in school! *pissed* and i can't say no to going.. because they'll give us punishment! and the punishment is a heavy one! *sighs* i'll have to stay home and say bye bye to my family when they leaves for they're ohsocoolandwonderfulholiday! and its all thanks to my so called goodanddiciplinedshcool! sweat much! i'm so on fire right now... (ooppss, forgot that i'malwaysonfire.. haha^^)

gotta go and find water to cool me down...
toodles!
xoxo

olympics? oopppssss to late.. kaka^^

olympics start d! haha^^ and i guess i'm too late to write it in my blog... kinda lazy wana touch my blog but since i have nothing to do before Gossip Girl might as well type a few things.. did u know that the opening of the olympics was awesome? haha! i didnt catch it live (was in MATHS tuition.. imma maths geek!) but at least i saw it through replay in channel 816 on Astro..! hmmmm~ love diving.. and gymnastics.. cool! support AUSTRALIA! ok.. since i'm gonna watch Gossip Girl i too wana gossip! i hate this BITCH named L (L stands for loser right! haha)! she keeps getting me into trouble! argh! ihateher! she's a total actress! she acts and always like to suck up on others! she's so annoying! howiwishicouldslapherwiththeknifeinmykitchen! i got scoldings from one of the doctors in st.john once because i listened to her! i asked her whether i could wear my school shirt to a st.john activity and she said "SURE" so i did! wth! then i got scoldings! and i totally humiliated myself because i'm the only one odd around the whole field and that is all thanks to her! not to forget! she totally killed me today! yesterday i sms-ed her and ask her about st.john AGM's details.. she didnt darn reply! so fine.. i went and promise a friend of mine that i'm going to a christian conference on saturday.. then i went to school and they told me that the st.john AGM was on saturday too! darn her! everything clashed! and its all thanks.to.her (once again!) argh.. there is a list of reasons why i hate her... sad i can't type it down here cos there would be some BITCHES reading this and who knows what they'll spread...

nyways.. i gotta go.. Gossip Girl just started.. till then.. xoxo

life and death are just seconds away... *tick tock..*

i can't take it anymore!!!!!!!!
why??!!
i mean its so not fair...
she had struggled for so long..
why can't YOU just have a bit of mercy on her!!!
*sigh*!!!
*shakes head!!!*
i pity Joshua... and Uncle Chee Seng...
*sigh*
okay.. the story goes like this...
Aunty Julie has 3 sons with Uncle Chee Seng..
they lived happily!
until one day..
their elder son ( Benjamin ) passed away... (i'm not really sure why.. *eeeeekkkkkssssss)
its from then on Aunty became weaker and weaker...
pity......
*sobs*
she struggled to put smiles on her face...
but i know deep down in her... she misses her son oh dear so much..
Uncle too not to forget..
they all had to fake a smile every day so that everyone won't worry..
*sigh*
Uncle had a stroke early this year...
and after he recovered..
Aunty went into the hospital cos of her heart..
*sigh*
she struggled so much...
and she finally left mother earth to dear heavenly FATHER up above..
*sigh*
(i know i know... sighing is not good..... but wat to do? its the only thing that relieves me..)
oh how much i pray she could wake up again!!!
just wake up to say her last request!
just to say bye to her sons and her beloved husband!!!
*crying so deeply inside my heart*
this is such a sad story for them..
i really wanted to hug Joshua!
but something was blocking...
i dunno whats that!!!
it could be fear!
*sigh*
pity!!!
all i could do was just to pray!
how useless!!
*sigh*
***********************************
talk about death..
its opposite is life...
and when a new born baby was to be given birth..
its such a wonderful thing!
people rejoice..
JOY is the first thing that pops into their mind!
they would be saying
"oh what a CUTE baby.."
and bla bla!!
but wake up!
a birth=a death!!!!!!!
a baby is welcomed to this earth but someone else would be saying goodbye to MOTHER EARTH and they are leaving behind their beloved family and friends...
*sigh*
how pitiful!
imagine..
just imagine..
its like u were dying for someone else's life!!
it is a situation where u are to rejoice and mourn at the same time...
*sigh*
get what i mean?!
it means its so complicated!
argh!
i feel so weak now..
i feel so sad..
i feel like crying...
JUST IMAGINE!!!!!!
someone is probably dying right at this second!
oh no..........................

sobbing,
oh dear me...
XoXo

yiPeeee

i feel much much cooler now..
i had my hair cut!!!
so short!
yaiks..
i didn't plan to cut my hair..
but since my sister wanted to cut her hair i said i'll come along..
and soon before i know whats happening i am cutting my hair too!
haha^^
sweat much!
now its so short!
like the old times..
i love my hair short..
i can feel my neck!
and it makes me look cute too!
haha..

xoxo...
PS..: GOOD luck for those that are having TRIAL next week!