exams are over.. & then WHAT?!

RESULTS –> APPLY 4 UNI

well, that is the most basic information that I know of, but in the mean time..?

I tried applying for PT Jobs. but apparently I am UN-Hire-able(?)

So what have I been doing since my last paper? GUESS!

no not the brand, but well, I have been lazing my ass off at home, ‘growing mushrooms’ as the saying goes. my sleeping clock has been re-wired and it is NOT GOOD. sleeping at 4am and waking up at 2pm?! this is BAD!

look at me now!! I woke up at 1pm today! :( having my first ‘meal"’ at 2.20pm! which consists of 2 slices PANDAN cake & a blueberry muffin made by my dearest sister, of course accompanied by a mug of MILO.

well, I would have eaten more if I didn’t have a reunion later at 4pm! I guess that is when I will have my appropriate amount of food. haha!

apologies for the bad quality, I think my webcam needs to be woken up as well! :P

at least it is a sunny day out there, going out with a maxi tube dress (orangey red) and I will let down my hair.

a funny thing happened last night.
SINCE I have decided not to JUST grow mushrooms at home, I have decided to play around with Home remedies. I have tried onion juice masks for acne, grated cucumber+potato paste for dark circles AND egg+olive oil for my hair. Well, it was a mess! but I think if I keep trying, it might just get better. Even though I showered after the experiment, I can still smell onion on ME!!! ugh~ can’t seem to find the culprit! well, I will take a whiff on coffee beans later just to make sure it isn’t my nose. But so far, my skin is ok, acne isn’t as swollen as before. hair – well nothing changed there! and my eye bags seemed to just poofed up!! hmm~ I don’t know whether I should continue this journey but since I have nothing to do, what harm can it bring right?

mm~ side tracking : the pandan cake is AWESOME! reminds me of home.

anyway, other than toning my body and trying out remedies, I should better start on learning the art of makeup. :( I need help in this particular section! every time I try on eye shadow plus eye liner, I end up looking as if someone punched me on both of my eyes! I suck at this! *boohoo* the only thing I am good at is applying lipstick! *giggle*

Alright, that is just about it!

Be good to each other, people! :)

Love, Hannah

PS: I have applied for a permanent part time job! *finger crossed* I want it so bad!

Freedom

Real freedom is not doing what we most want to do. Real freedom is knowing which of the things we most want to do is siding with what we were designed for. Real freedom is finding the right restrictions. by Tim Keller

So true.

I love my parents so much. Giving me a freedom that not many can have. Such love, can never be repaid and replaced.

Had a very disturbing thought after reading the many comments and even the post itself here.

Speechless. Sometimes I do wonder.

I do feel uncomfortable attending a big church that can seem foreign. The worship is grander, the amount of people is greater and everything else just makes you seem smaller. Well, honestly it doesn’t really matter if everyone has the same goal which is to live a life that is pleasing to God.

That said, it is never easy and it will never be. It is possible but it may seem daunting at the very thought of it. This world is now shaped into a world that deceiving is acceptable, taking things that doesn’t belong to us is acceptable, cursing is acceptable and so much more. Surprisingly, we are all supposed to be born innocent and yet we sin at  the very first breath we take in.

Who doesn’t sin? I can assure you that even I sin, every single second of the day. Like now, I’m putting aside my work to type this out, I have not honored my parents by using this very second to study and do my best in what I’m called to do. I download music of the internet, games, and movies. That is stealing. And to think about it, I am depriving the artists, directors, and the productions the money they should get. Imagine if you were the artist/director/one of the production crew, you work day and night to get something good out into the world in order to get money to survive and do what you do best, maybe you have a family to support too, but everyone out there would not spend even $5 on what you’ve created, they’d rather download it off the internet. How would you feel?

I’m not saying this just because I haven’t done it, or I’m free from it. I am still sinning in this manner, but I’m trying.

One of the lessons I’ve learned is that: you’ll know when you are distant from God or your spiritual life is stagnant is when you’re not struggling. When you live everyday with struggles and challenges that convicts you of your actions then that’s when you are truly living a life that is worth living.

I love what Keller said here “real freedom is finding the right restrictions”. I’ll have to start with lying. It became a habit and that should not be an excuse. How hard is it to remember all the lies I’ve made, and often I have to cover a lie with another lie. I think one of the reasons why I lie is because of pride. If pride is my way of living a God-pleasing life, then pride is my idol. Why would I want to worship something that is nothing but thin air? See. Not easy.

I’ve had times that I break down, I’m tired. But Jesus said that in Isaiah 40:31:

but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Many a times, in order to fit in to this world or this society, lying or covering up is the way to go. But again, why please man when they aren’t the ones that gives life, gives hope and eternal happiness?

Another problem I have to address is that of judging. As a girl/woman/lady, it is easy to be envious and be judgmental. Just seeing people crossing the road creates this automatic response to judge the way they wear, the way they look. It is the norm that is created by man, and therefore I must stop myself. This will be one sin that I will struggle greatly.

Anyway, guess who is in the house? :) Edeline How!! Woohoo~

She came on Monday with her Sis, Amanda. Crashing at my place (hah! feel bad, messy place, messy schedule, not a very good host. :( )

 

But, at least she’s here! Wee~ hope she has a good time in Melbourne as it has so much to offer.

Gotta go~

PS: kinda addicted to SIMS 3 atm. addiction=idol. I’m doomed! & I’m also checking Diablo III out. doomed-er (not a word )

Love, Hannah

Hot & Cold

Dafuq. Hah! :) funny how I just realized the meaning of it. I thought it was a Malay man’s name or something.

Well, it’s holidays now. Just a little break. But this is really a test for me. A test to see if I’m disciplined enough to do what I need to do than what I want to do. Blah. Never easy.

But I’m starting to learn that there’s no point of a challenge or test if it is just easy. It takes everything away and tears away everything that seemed comfortable at first and make them such ugly things.

God now seem stagnant in my life. Something is wrong. He wants my attention and I will give Him all of my attention. But the devil is smart, he knows when I plan to stand firm on something GOOD, he makes me fall. And the fall can be such a blessing because that is when God’s love and grace appears. :)

Well, focus Hannah. It is never easy but try as He knows your heart. Again, forgiveness is instantaneous but guilt can drag us down (guilt is the doings of the devil). & forgiveness from God does not mean that the consequences that we need to face on this earth will evaporate miraculously. Once a mistake is made, one must be able to face the music after.

No, nothing horrible happened. Just something nice but too nice that it draws me away from the one that is who I need to look and strive for.

Jie and I realized that we needed to learn. Both in different ways yet similar in struggles. I thank God that at least we have one another to depend on for honesty. & I do hope that I can come clean in all my doings without being judged on but loved gracefully.

Jealousy is another I have to work on. It can start off with little tiny things like comparing the food that one has on the other table and whats infront of me. Harmless yet it builds and becomes a habit. Its also a natural thing for a woman to envy and be hurtful in thoughts. Repent.

Isaiah 41:10
'Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.'

This verse, such love and mercy. :) but I can’t and should not take Him for granted. As I know of the consequences, I’ll be facing grave responsibilities.

Love, Hannah

Have I lost my touch.

Dear God,

I am emotionally drained, physically losing my health and mentally dead.
I am pushing through many currents that are forcing me to stumble and I am relying on you Lord for strength.

I want to thank you God for your everlasting love for me and your provision. Without you, I wouldn’t have food and water to sustain me physically, love from my family and friends to sustain me emotionally and lastly knowledge to sustain me mentally.

I thank you God for blessing me with such warm hearted and loving parents that not only wants the best out of me but helps me along the way to achieve what I dream of achieving. I thank you God for my down to earth and loaded-with-daddy-jokes father. Not only has he shown his love for me by disciplining me and molding me with each mistakes I’ve made, he also makes the effort to make me laugh despite of the very different levels of humor the both of us have acquired. I thank you God also for my mother. The sufferings she had to go through by just bringing me into this world can be said to be emotionally, physically and mentally draining, and I thank you for granting her the endurance, Lord. I thank you God that she is loving, patient and kind. I thank you God for she not only guides me to a more wholesome future, she too humbly reminds me of what I was in the past.

All this I want to thank you God. I know no matter how tired I get, I have so many others to help me get along each day with a sigh of relief and a smile on my face before I end the night with a shut eye. Thank you God.

Amen.

---

The image above is a poem I’ve written to my mother on her birthday.

I can’t remember which year I’ve written it but I did write it as I recognize my handwriting. :)

I couldn’t even remember me writing such a poem until my mother sent it to me. I guess when I was younger, my creativity was sky high. But now I can’t even find the time to make a simple card. :( *sigh*

Well, I guess this is the stage where everyone will have to go through = growing up!

On Sunday, I was very blessed to witness such a beautiful miracle. Lala and Lele welcomed their daughter – Natalie into this world! And I get to see her after she was a few days old. I was so excited. And it’s such a pretty scene! :’)

This is Pastor Alan holding Natalie. :) so tiny!!

These are the polaroid films that are kept as a memory.

And this is US :) haha~ *happiness!!*

Well, to baby Natalie. I’ve been at your stage about 18 years and 8 months ago! and after this period of time, here I am! getting drained and stressed! But life indeed is a beautiful gift from God. And you, meimei, are very blessed. :) Love, your 姐姐 Hannah.

Love, Hannah

Tears of happiness

I am SO SORRY lovelies for being super laggy! Have been pretty tied up lately with school work, church and.. procrastinating in general. WOOPS!

Anyhow, I’m here again. Though I can’t guarantee that I’ll be consistent again.

So..

Have you ever wondered what tears of happiness are? Ever experienced it? Well to be honest I haven’t really experienced it myself. I’m pretty sure I have but I’ll let you decide it for me.

Last Friday (04052012), I was stirred by the Holy Spirit to take a step up and serve Him with all my heart. I know it will take all of me to do so and I kept holding back. Even when the speaker was still speaking his message, my tummy was filled with butterflies. Perhaps eagles! It felt so uncomfortable like I’m nervous. I held onto my cross (necklace – mummy and daddy bought for me) and kept telling God that I wasn’t ready, hey! I’m not even sure if I’m ready now. The message that night was about God’s work. How He uses each of us with the talents He has gifted us to build Him a holy nation, to fulfill his Will and Purpose. I had the heart to do missions when I was still immature but knowing the deeper meaning now about evangelizing and reaching out, I just feel as though I’ll never make the team as I am too lame for it.

But as I constantly said no, the intensity in my tummy grew and my heart was racing as though I just finished a run. Tears started to swell in my eye sockets. I felt an overwhelming feeling with the few words that kept spinning in my head “Your Will be done.” But my mouth spoke differently..

As the speaker started to pray, the worship team (including me) went on stage to prepare ourselves. But before he ended, he asked if there was anyone that felt moved, or whether anyone’s heart is pumping super fast, that if there were people like that he invited them to the front and he would pray for them. I was already on stage!!!! I was thinking that if I go down I would miss worship and I kept giving the excuse that “ I am not ready Lord.” but as that excuse kept running out from my mouth, the words “Your will be done” kept pressing in my head and my heart. Tears were pouring down like a waterfall!! Then in my heart started singing the song that I would start after the prayer which is called ‘Living for Your glory"’.. The chorus sings “Take my life, let it be, everything, all of me.. Let my life honor you.. use me for your glory.. living for your glory..” It was like a push from the Spirit Himself. So I finally decided to go down the stage.. And as he (speaker) went around to pray for everyone, he touched each of our heads, and when his hand touched my head, I was filled with assurance and a sense of peace. Incredible! And yes, it was a weird feeling to look like a little girl with red eyes and soaked face to sing on stage but I didn’t care because the song was just brilliantly wonderful!

Just thought of sharing it.. I know that there are people out there that are afraid, I am too. but if you answer, you will not be alone. :)

I guess it is never an easy choice to make if we choose to not conform into what the world wants us to be. But God called us to be holy and the meaning is not just pure but it also means to be set apart! I learned today from the book of Exodus that God shows His love for us first and then only commands us to obey. If not He could have told the Israelites this :” if you obey then I’ll deliver you from slavery”. But no.. He brought them out of slavery, blessed them with food and water, victory over ‘war’ and then only gave out the commandments..!

I know in the past I have made mistakes that I am not proud of. It is hard to let them go and fully trust that Jesus has paid for my sins in the past and continue forward in pursuing Him. The hardest I find would be the taming of the tongue! It is something that I would have to set my heart to overcome. Love my enemies, and my neighbors too! Not being judgmental against others. So many others!! There is a lot to focus on, but I believe that if I take a step at a time with strength that is drawn from Him, I’ll be able to pull through.

If I can too, why can’t you?

Love, Hannah

What does your name mean?

After reading Genesis 27, I came across this question :

In Old Testament times, names like Isaac (‘laughter’) or Jacob (‘grasper’) carried a great significance. Do you know what your name means? Does the description fit you? If not, what kind of descriptive name would fit you better?

Well, my name is Hannah (quite obvious) & when I searched the internet for the meaning of my name, it mostly popped out to be the GRACE of God or favor. There’s no surprise there since Hannah (in 1 Samuel) did asked God for a son to bear. & she did bear a child – Samuel in the favor of God. & also, by God’s grace, she had the child. :)

To think of the meaning and see how it fits me as a person, I guess it does link. By God’s grace, I was born & also brought up in a healthy family. Blessed with many good memories, family members and friends. Food and clothes. All the necessities were blessed by Him and even additional ‘luxury’ here and there. By His grace and His favor, I did not let myself simply live my life without Him totally influencing me. He was always there even through my rebellion days, how? Well, quite obviously I’m still alive. I did had doubt of living but I pulled through, through His love for me.

I might be a disgrace to the name. But I really love my name and its meaning, and I thank Him each day that my parents gave me such a beautiful name. (even though Hannah Montana corrupted my name) I would not and could not ask for a better name to describe me as a child of God. <3

This image is pretty flattering.. haha! :) but it IS quite true. though I TOTALLY decline the fact that I’m born to shop. SO NOT TRUE! sorry for the POOR quality.. I’ll type down what it says here :

Hannah

Local Origin of Name : English
From the Hebrew name : Hannah

Meaning : ‘Channah’, Grace of God or Favor (1Same1:2)

Emotional Spectrum : Everyone loves to love Hannah [this is FUNNY!]
Personal Integrity : Hannah is the height of respectability [height yes, respectability..?]
Personality : She likes to relax and take life as it comes [Daddy & mummy will agree]
Relationships : If people were more like Hannah, friends would come easily [true! :P ]
Travel & Leisure : Born to shop! [honestly, no! SWIM, YES!]
Career & Money : Adept in financial matters [well, I am not disagreeing on that thought!]
Life’s opportunities : Helping others enriches her life. [quite true.]

Teehee! :P that is just plain flattery!

How about you? What does your name mean, and does it suit you as a person? (:

Love, Hannah

I’ve survived..

Holiday is here!! :) [2 weeks only & I’m rejoicing?]

I have to get myself organized during this SHORT period of time. Technically I only have less than a week to do my homework and stuff. Because I have Easter camp and Alpha camp! How exciting is that? Soon my blog will be filled with pictures, I hope.

Anyway, 1 school term has passed. & I survived [not with my head held up high but still, I survived]

I’m really worried about how I’ll go into my next term and the following terms after that! Then here comes the big exam. Though I usually don’t allow these sort of ‘exams’ to break me down, so why nervous now? Hmm.. Guess maybe I just want to make my parents proud. & by doing so, a much higher grade should be expected of me. I can do this, but I’m so not used to studying. Dislike it. Can’t wait to get out of studying zone. UGH!

Everything around me seems to be falling apart. I hope I can still hold on to those that is dear to me. But if I’m the only one holding on, soon, it’ll be impossible to NOT let go. It will soon wear me out & soon it’ll just rip me apart as well.

Had a bad dream last night. But I know it is merely a dream so it doesn’t really bother me, but to think that it might come true, I guess I just have to brace myself for it.

I practically woke up like this, felt like my whole body turned numb then jie woke up screaming too. Well, it was a bad dream night for the both of us. At least I didn’t wake up with tears in my eyes and soaked up my pillow. that would have been dreadful!

Sometimes when I get bad dreams such this, I’ll wonder why and what have I done the day before that might have made this happened. I think I got my answer. :/ oh well!

I can’t always pull the blanket up at night when I feel cold. It disturbs my sleep and it also makes a loud rumbling noise which disturb Jie too. I guess I just have to get used to the cold. It is only better that way.

Love, Hannah