Magnet

Dear you,
I apologize, sincerely.
For ignoring, avoiding..
Evading.. everything.

I know it hurts,
hurts deep inside your chest.
You may not believe,
that I, too, hurt.
To know that you hurt,
to see the positive energy fading,
as you try to hide it..

Just like a magnet,
I perceive our relationship to be.
We once have the attraction,
so strong,
that no force can pull apart.

But, like a magnet,
it, too, repels.

It maybe my fault,
I’ve turned my side.
& as you make your way closer,
I’m being pushed further away.

I’m truly sorry,
to have flipped 180 degrees.
It may seem fast,
almost like an instant,
in a blink of an eye, some may say.

Forgive me,
when you’ve found the heart to.
Forgive me,
even after the pain, will you?
Forgive me,
I can only pray.

What we have, once had,
can’t be compared.
Others find their solution in
distance
new love
or time.

Distance,
we have not.

New love,
I will not. (not now)

Time,
is all we’ve got.

In time,
be patient.
Don’t push any further,
for I fear I’ll run..
Run away,
to a place where chance depletes.

In time,
let not your focus
be on me.
Turn away,
as I turn from my ways.
Don’t continue on..
this love for me.
For the me you love,
is the me I don’t want.

Magnet,
let me stay put.
In time,
I may turn or flip.

However,
I’m no god.
The future,
I cannot see.
Don’t take it as a guarantee,
for man can never guarantee.

Find the heart,
why don’t you.
A heart rid of me,
rid me, I beg of you.

A heart renewed,
refocused
and ultimately, revived.

I pray
peace, love,
joy and faithfulness
be filled, in you.
That in time,
He heals
& He reveals,
to those that break
and are lost.

Forgive me,
why don’t you?
Forget the hurt,
can you?
Let go of me,
please do.

Love, (once)
Hannah L.

when the sun rises & when the moon descends.

At 88%, we’ve used up 12%..
I thought it’ll go further,
I thought we’d go till 50%,
at least.

A thought,
may not sound harmful,
but it can hurt,
and will leave a scar – a lesson.

It is:
A hope, that wants to be camouflaged,
not wanting to seem overly greedy,
but the heart, still wants the same.

Make it clear to me,
why don’t you?
I’m no psychic,
merely human, as humanly as any can be.

I’m young, naïve;
raw, one may add.
Like an open wound,
should & could be treated.
Instead, it hasn’t.

I question..
Why do you hold such ‘powers’,
as to when I should recover?
Leave me be, if salt is your solution.

These bags,
the layers, each one of them,
are those of my sleepless nights

I’ve prayed,
I’d pray,
& I’ll continue to pray..
That some day, ‘one day’,
will not come.

Feelings unraveled,
thoughts invoked,
dreams created..
The mind does wonder
& wanders into such an abyss,
that escape would be, almost, impossible.

Impossible,
nothing truly is.

Time & faith;
I’ll be patient.

Harden my heart, Lord
Take away the pain, the feelings
Give me a heart, only for You.

When the sun goes down,
& when the sky is filled with twinkles,
Let my hope and what I’ve been waiting for
be, only, You.

Love, (forever & ever)
Hannah L.

썸

Thanks to Hazel, I'm almost hooked to this song.

Lately I'm confused

Confused to how you've such a hold,

Hold on me.

The heart drawn

The mind trying to run

But the heart became a burden.

If only life can do without emotions

Such confusion would cease to exist.

I remember - the promise.

My oath to many, I have not forgotten.

Not that such oath bounds me,

Only knowing the worst outcome

scares me.

To have but to lose,

I shall not want.

If it means anything,

Leave me be.

But if to play,

Then play, break and walk away.

If that makes you happy,

A number on a list,

I'll contribute.

But once broken,

Never be mended.

Not by the same hands that crush and ruin.

Warning it may be,

To me.

It's fun to be in the moment,

To laugh,

To be amused,

To have the attention.

But I shed - a tear,

Now.

For I know

Such can only be temporary.

 

 

Love,

Hannah L.

 

Love and keep loving.

Gut feeling

Hello there!

I'm really sorry that my last post was quite some time ago. And I won't be posting this if I didn't want to procrastinate. Yes, I'm running away from a dreadful assignment. Ah well...

Anyway, I've got a month more till exams. Oh my, how fast has time flew by?! Right? In a way, it's scary. It's scary to know that I have not been doing much whilst happily letting time slip past me. It's also scary to know that I need to cramp 9 weeks of materials into my head within this one month period. But again, what should scare me more? Life itself or the Creator of this life?

Awake my soul and sing

Of Him who died for me

And hail Him as thy matchless King

Through all eternity.

(Crown Him - Chris Tomlin ft Kari Jobe)

 

In my doubts, and trust me when I say that I have many doubts, He is the only constant in my life.

I do pray that He hears me and hears my cries. Somehow, it's not working. I'm sure there must be a reason as to why I'm sick and that I'm confused, but at the moment, it is as though He is really distant from me. There are things that I do not want and do not need in my life, how do I remove them? Asking Him to do it, it doesn't seem to go away yet. Not yet. Why not yet? Why not now? I don't want to cry about it later on, but it feels like I would. The cycle of my bad habits continue on even when I want it to stop.

Looking on the brighter side of things, at least I know I should stop. At least I know that it is not right. I just need a way out.

On another note, somehow this has been going on for some time already, every time that I'm rostered to lead worship, I would either fall sick before or after that Sunday. I wonder why. Hmm~ taking medicine seems to help a little bit. Let's just keep praying that I'll be fine.

In a month and a few weeks time, I'll be home. Home sweet home. Would it all be the same? I don't think so. But change can be a good thing, right? I'm not forcing myself to be optimistic, i just truly want it to be good. If He wills it, it must be for the good, right?

You asked me to go on a short journey and relive my best moments. It sparked something. It sparked this fire that I have had kept away for a while. When I was thinking back to the time when gong gong (grand dad) was still around, I wish I could've talked to him more before he left us. So many memories that I have kept away because I believed that it would cause me to grow weaker, as if moving forward would break myself away from the past. I just realised that I can never be torn away from my past, it makes me what I am today. Embrace the past and lunge forward.

You've given life, You've opened my eyes..

You've entered my heart, You've set me apart..

(Thank You Jesus - Hillsong Worship)

I'm not going to be vain and think that many are trying to pursue me, I just want to be careful not to make opportunities arise. After months of being single, I'm not going to say its fun and I won't say its the worst decision I've made. It's just that readjusting myself can be quite a challenge. Realising that every thing that I do and say can cause misunderstandings that will be difficult to unknot later on. Need. To. Be. Very. Careful. And. Mindful.

My goal still stands. Be rooted and not be distracted. This time, adding another: and don't distract.

:) that's all for today. A bit too late to think of what else to say.. Tbh, not really sure whether whatever I've written even makes sense or not. Oh well, too bad.

Till next time then.

 

Much love,

Hannah L.

 

Love and keep loving.