my holidays are fun! really..
but thinking of the holidays I feel so sad. feel so hopeless.. I don't know whether it was true.. like what my dad said.. if only I was awake, I could save him! I really could! I feel so stupid! so useless and hopeless. he maybe here with us right now laughing and playing!!! *sigh* holidays now to me means just that.. regrets! remembering the moment my grandmother cried so loud and she felt useless too! my mum, aunts, sisters, cousins! their faces are full with tears.. if only I was awake!!!!!!! if only I was! memories of the all those hotties in PD and Malacca are all blown away!!! I feel so lonely!!! I just hate this… crying.. I know he's up there hoping us all to be happy.. but how should I cover the sadness?! I can't fake it any longer when I go visit my grandmother. because I'll usually go and say hi to him but now? I don't get to buy his favorite noodles anymore! I don't get to hear him call my name anymore! I can't feel his presence!! I feel so sad and I wish I could be there for my grandmother 24/7 so she won't feel lonely too! *sighs* he's gone.. gone to a place far far away.. and maybe I'll go there and visit him one day and I could see everyone that is here.. =')
anyways.. my holidays are now just a bore.. just doing the same usual things… lame!!!!
