Have I lost my touch.

Dear God,

I am emotionally drained, physically losing my health and mentally dead.
I am pushing through many currents that are forcing me to stumble and I am relying on you Lord for strength.

I want to thank you God for your everlasting love for me and your provision. Without you, I wouldn’t have food and water to sustain me physically, love from my family and friends to sustain me emotionally and lastly knowledge to sustain me mentally.

I thank you God for blessing me with such warm hearted and loving parents that not only wants the best out of me but helps me along the way to achieve what I dream of achieving. I thank you God for my down to earth and loaded-with-daddy-jokes father. Not only has he shown his love for me by disciplining me and molding me with each mistakes I’ve made, he also makes the effort to make me laugh despite of the very different levels of humor the both of us have acquired. I thank you God also for my mother. The sufferings she had to go through by just bringing me into this world can be said to be emotionally, physically and mentally draining, and I thank you for granting her the endurance, Lord. I thank you God that she is loving, patient and kind. I thank you God for she not only guides me to a more wholesome future, she too humbly reminds me of what I was in the past.

All this I want to thank you God. I know no matter how tired I get, I have so many others to help me get along each day with a sigh of relief and a smile on my face before I end the night with a shut eye. Thank you God.

Amen.

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The image above is a poem I’ve written to my mother on her birthday.

I can’t remember which year I’ve written it but I did write it as I recognize my handwriting. :)

I couldn’t even remember me writing such a poem until my mother sent it to me. I guess when I was younger, my creativity was sky high. But now I can’t even find the time to make a simple card. :( *sigh*

Well, I guess this is the stage where everyone will have to go through = growing up!

On Sunday, I was very blessed to witness such a beautiful miracle. Lala and Lele welcomed their daughter – Natalie into this world! And I get to see her after she was a few days old. I was so excited. And it’s such a pretty scene! :’)

This is Pastor Alan holding Natalie. :) so tiny!!

These are the polaroid films that are kept as a memory.

And this is US :) haha~ *happiness!!*

Well, to baby Natalie. I’ve been at your stage about 18 years and 8 months ago! and after this period of time, here I am! getting drained and stressed! But life indeed is a beautiful gift from God. And you, meimei, are very blessed. :) Love, your 姐姐 Hannah.

Love, Hannah

Tears of happiness

I am SO SORRY lovelies for being super laggy! Have been pretty tied up lately with school work, church and.. procrastinating in general. WOOPS!

Anyhow, I’m here again. Though I can’t guarantee that I’ll be consistent again.

So..

Have you ever wondered what tears of happiness are? Ever experienced it? Well to be honest I haven’t really experienced it myself. I’m pretty sure I have but I’ll let you decide it for me.

Last Friday (04052012), I was stirred by the Holy Spirit to take a step up and serve Him with all my heart. I know it will take all of me to do so and I kept holding back. Even when the speaker was still speaking his message, my tummy was filled with butterflies. Perhaps eagles! It felt so uncomfortable like I’m nervous. I held onto my cross (necklace – mummy and daddy bought for me) and kept telling God that I wasn’t ready, hey! I’m not even sure if I’m ready now. The message that night was about God’s work. How He uses each of us with the talents He has gifted us to build Him a holy nation, to fulfill his Will and Purpose. I had the heart to do missions when I was still immature but knowing the deeper meaning now about evangelizing and reaching out, I just feel as though I’ll never make the team as I am too lame for it.

But as I constantly said no, the intensity in my tummy grew and my heart was racing as though I just finished a run. Tears started to swell in my eye sockets. I felt an overwhelming feeling with the few words that kept spinning in my head “Your Will be done.” But my mouth spoke differently..

As the speaker started to pray, the worship team (including me) went on stage to prepare ourselves. But before he ended, he asked if there was anyone that felt moved, or whether anyone’s heart is pumping super fast, that if there were people like that he invited them to the front and he would pray for them. I was already on stage!!!! I was thinking that if I go down I would miss worship and I kept giving the excuse that “ I am not ready Lord.” but as that excuse kept running out from my mouth, the words “Your will be done” kept pressing in my head and my heart. Tears were pouring down like a waterfall!! Then in my heart started singing the song that I would start after the prayer which is called ‘Living for Your glory"’.. The chorus sings “Take my life, let it be, everything, all of me.. Let my life honor you.. use me for your glory.. living for your glory..” It was like a push from the Spirit Himself. So I finally decided to go down the stage.. And as he (speaker) went around to pray for everyone, he touched each of our heads, and when his hand touched my head, I was filled with assurance and a sense of peace. Incredible! And yes, it was a weird feeling to look like a little girl with red eyes and soaked face to sing on stage but I didn’t care because the song was just brilliantly wonderful!

Just thought of sharing it.. I know that there are people out there that are afraid, I am too. but if you answer, you will not be alone. :)

I guess it is never an easy choice to make if we choose to not conform into what the world wants us to be. But God called us to be holy and the meaning is not just pure but it also means to be set apart! I learned today from the book of Exodus that God shows His love for us first and then only commands us to obey. If not He could have told the Israelites this :” if you obey then I’ll deliver you from slavery”. But no.. He brought them out of slavery, blessed them with food and water, victory over ‘war’ and then only gave out the commandments..!

I know in the past I have made mistakes that I am not proud of. It is hard to let them go and fully trust that Jesus has paid for my sins in the past and continue forward in pursuing Him. The hardest I find would be the taming of the tongue! It is something that I would have to set my heart to overcome. Love my enemies, and my neighbors too! Not being judgmental against others. So many others!! There is a lot to focus on, but I believe that if I take a step at a time with strength that is drawn from Him, I’ll be able to pull through.

If I can too, why can’t you?

Love, Hannah