HelloHello..
This is so embarrassing. I have not been blogging since ages ago & yet I kind of miss doing so. So here I am.. Trying to figure out what to write. I’m supposed to sleep but I can’t, have been rolling around on the bed for the past 10 minutes so I decided to give blogging a go. Rusty fingers. & really rusty inspirations!
Have you read back your previous blog posts? (this question only applies if you have a blog yourself)
Well, I did. Last night. Out of the blue. Some cute little bird made me read it even when I never wanted to or thought of doing so. Good thing I never deleted any of my blog posts. Tempting. I can assure you it was really tempting to delete and correct myself. But heck, everyone makes mistakes, and somehow it is kind of fun to look back and laugh at yourself (I am pretty sure I will make many mistakes in this post itself). My dad used to tell me that ‘if you can laugh at yourself, you won’t bother about the world laughing at you’.
So, 2013 has gone by fairly quickly. At first, I felt as if I was just floating on some sort of boat. Just going with the flow. Entered University, go to lectures and tutorials, Church, home and siblings stuff.. A really slow start. But it sped up after passing the half way mark. I remember telling myself halfway through my second semester, ‘what the hell am I studying? Feels like 6 weeks has gone by and another 6 weeks till my finals and yet I don’t know what I am doing..’ That, my friends, is a very horrible thought. But thank goodness I have not failed any subjects so far. I can totally hear my parents telling me ‘why are you even worried of failing when you are only in your first year, you should not be failing anything until your late Uni years..’
Second year of Uni is coming and the rest will come soon after. (time really does fly, especially after hitting the age of 20, oh gawd, I’m old!)
So what has changed?
Bear with me for a little while, I am going to overestimate my abilities here but oh well, it IS my blog anyway.
C – I guess I would say character-wise, I might have changed? Well, the definition of character is the ‘mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual’ (Google, 2013). Mental and moral qualities. I feel like I need to search up the definition of those words too, but somehow I feel too bloody lazy to do so (and not forgetting I have to cite them?!).
Well, I believe that everyone will eventually develop better qualities of themselves as time goes by. Factors only include influences from people, different environment.. Am I supposed to tell you what qualities I have developed? (laughing) To shorten it, I am trying to be more Christ-like. Mind you, I will NEVER be able to do that but trying is all that matters. If you want to know what Christ was really like, read the bible :)
H – heart (?) I am not really sure why I chose the word heart.. However, I know it has changed. I used to fill up my heart with scars and wounds, but now I fill it up with the love He has for me. Whenever I feel down and no where to turn to, it is from Him that I gain back the confidence to live again. You know what? In the past, I always loved people. When I first meet someone, I will love them until they prove to me that they are not worthy of my love. (sounds like I have some sort of expensive love or some shit, bear with me here. rusty blogging skills) But recently I started hating the world, it is as if my eyes have been opened up to a whole new and different world. The way sin takes over someone can really cause so much hurt and pain (directly and indirectly) to others. Married couples having affairs because life is too short to stick with one person, teenagers lavishing themselves with sex and money, girls craving for love and attention that they would do anything to gain them… I remember crying, wailing about how sinful this world truly is. (disclaimer: I am have sinned as well, not trying to say I am pure or whatever) How do you love such a fallen world? Then my boyfriend told me ‘if you are already feeling the pain, what more the Creator of this world?’ Therefore, I conclude that my heart has changed from wanting attention from boys to just wanting to be filled by His love and grace for me that it overflows and be a blessing to those around me.
A – I am pretty sure you can guess what this stands for: attitude! It is just how I view things that I find different now. After reading my old posts last night, I came to realize that I used to be so silly with the thoughts that I have and the feelings that were in me. I might still be silly now but I will only see that in like 2 years time or so.. We will always be silly, that is what makes life fun. What is the point of living a life so carefully planned out that every action and words must be perfect just so that it doesn’t become a mistake? I know a few people like that, but oh well, it is their life anyway. I am sure they are saying that I am just wasting my life and whatever. But who cares? I used to see things in a ‘half empty glass’ perspective, but now I’m slowly adapting to the ‘half filled glass’ perspective. Even when things go wrong, it doesn’t matter as long as I am still alive (didn’t cause any harm unto others) and I can re-correct my mistake (be positive about it). No life is perfect and that’s a fact, so might as well enjoy it than to always mope about it and sulk. Right?
N – honestly, I ran out of ideas with this letter. So I just randomly picked network. The circle of friends I have and the way I communicate with the friends that I already have has obviously changed. I miss S, D, T, C, M, A! All of us have moved to different areas of this country (Malaysia) or different areas of the world, pursuing our dream/goal (or parents’ dream) – education. And the friends I have back in Melbourne are mainly church friends and uni friends. I thank God that there are many forms of communicating now other than just snail mail. Of course I would have loved snail mail but whoever takes the time to write anymore and posting it at the post office? Networking has never been easier. But even so, distance does matter. One day, hopefully one day, we can reunite again. That is in my bucket list!!
G – what letter can I place in G?! OMG. .______. I think I am just too tired to think so I will leave it here. ^^ I am so sorry. (by far, the worst blogger ever existed)
Well, I have CHAN (not CHANGED). That is a relief (NOT!).
2013 going and 2014 coming.. Should I be excited? Meh~
Don’t worry folks! I will be back! (hopefully not JUST an empty promise)
I have to go. I have got this stupid UNDANG talk thingy tomorrow morning, early!! Oh gawd. I went for it like a year or so ago, but I failed the tests (mind you, I did the test twice and still failed) so I gave up then and now I have to re-sit this LONG-ASS-HOURS of talk just so that I can do the theory test (pass it!) then get my L-plate with the hope of learning how to drive on the road. Sucks to be me. I think I am the only freaking person in this bloody country that has attended talk TWICE. *ugh* (even the person ‘teaching’ told us he didn’t feel like teaching and found the talk a useless waste of time!)
But anyway, sorry for ranting, before I leave…
Here is a picture of my (weird but funny) family, wishing all of you a blessed (belated) Christmas and a wonderful New Years!
Love, Hannah
