so here's my story...

Valentine’s Day

2012-02-13T08:06:00.001+11:00

& it is again, this time of the year! Boohoo.. haha! (:

well, its not all that depressing.. I’ve grown to think it’s just another occasion that people want to express their love..

In the past 6 years of my Life. I’ve expressed my love to my family and my friends. but I don’t think I really CELEBRATED this day in the REAL way.. haha!

During this time of the year, I’d usually make cards and buy chocolates for my friends and they too will do the same. Its natural, and its ‘fun’. Though I’m seriously missing my point here..

Yesterday, my aunt came over with a bunch of tiger lilies. They are beautiful. *staring at them now* But you know what? There’s no vase at my place to store ‘em! We were looking high and low for the perfectly ‘bottle’, sadly I’ve thrown away my Midori Bottle.. Oh well.. I just used a Kathmandu bottle. Shocking huh? Especially in a girl’s house..? haha!! because I didn’t think I’d receive a bunch of flowers anyway. therefore why buy the vase? :)

Oh bugger. It sounds supper depressing but trust me, its not. haha! Quite the contrary.. I actually had a good laugh on this topic yesterday. (:

Here’s how the flower looks..

oh PS: this is my first BUNCH of flowers received, and its shared between my sister and I! teehee!

PPS: yes, I emphasized on the BUNCH cuz I’ve received single roses and flowers before.. but not in a bunch.. like DUH, who’d give me a bunch of flowers anyway? haha!

Love, Hannah

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!

The Holy Alphabet

2012-02-09T22:07:00.001+11:00

For you, :)

Whoever came up with this one must have had some Divine guidance!

Although things are not perfect
Because of trial or pain
Continue in thanksgiving
Do not begin to blame
Even when the times are hard
Fierce winds are bound to blow
God is forever able
Hold on to what you know
Imagine life without His love
Joy would cease to be
Keep thanking Him for all the things
Love imparts to thee
Move out of 'Camp Complaining'
No weapon that is known
On earth can yield the power
Praise can do alone
Quit looking at the future
Redeem the time at hand
Start every day with worship
To 'thank' is a command
Until we see Him coming
Victorious in the sky
We'll run the race with gratitude
Xalting God most high
Yes, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but ...
Zion waits in glory ... where none are ever sad!

'I am Too blessed to be stressed!' The shortest distance between a problem and a
solution is the distance between your knees and the floor.
The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything. Love and peace be with
you forever, Amen.

All glory to Your name, All honor to Your Majesty, forever.

Love, Hannah

PS: this year, you can expect a low count of blog posts from me. Mi ahn ne, sorry!

& the yelling never ends..

2012-01-17T23:52:00.001+11:00

right now at this very moment, I can hear my younger sister screaming because mummy is pinching her pimples. A mixture of tears and pain. HORRIBLE!

a soft comfort voice of mummy saying its going to be over (never really), always giving the hope of pain-free-ness which arrives later than expected..

& thinking its normal, Hazel’s awesome-ness pitches in with ‘please watch your tongue’, ‘stop yelling at mummy’, and ‘shut up’! hmm~

This is my home. & I love every single bit of it..

& I got a little scolded from Daddy but that was out of fun..

‘cuz I’m the only one who calls people in the very loud and ‘cute but funny’ tone.. haha! I’ll call them this:

Hazel (Jie) : FattYYYYYYYYYY

Benjamin : BenNNYYYYYYYY

Daddy : DadDDYYYYYYYYY

Mummy : FatTTYYYYYY / MummMMMMYYYYYYY

Hilda : (nothing) haha! perhaps sometimes FatttTTYYYYY [but she’ll always reply by saying she’s not fat.. lol]

Tina JieJie : FaTTTTTYYYYYYY

[must emphasize on the YYYYYYYYYYYY.. its like EEEEEEEEEEE! haha~]

if u count properly, I call most of them Fattyyy.. :) its out of fun usually..

and it always ends with EEEEE.. so this was what happened..

whenever I call mummy, jie or ben or even Tina JieJie.. daddy will answer with his usual ‘oi!’ & I’ll be like ‘I didn’t call u.. haha!’ and he’d be ‘hmph..’

then in the car to dinner one day he said this, ‘stop calling people like that laaaa..’ n I asked why of course and asked him to listen properly next time to not confuse himself but he replied saying ‘I’m waiting for you to call me mah!’ hehe!

then the other day he told me it was getting on his nerves already.. (crappy!) LOL

oh well, must avoid doing that when he is around then and plus I’m sure he’d miss it when I’m gone! :D the thing they miss the most is the filled up silence with my voice! muahahaha~

guess I have my voice in a pretty good position! teehee!

anyway, ever since I had my hair trimmed again and this time highlighted, the sun came out! before that it was raining cats and dogs!! but now it is freakishly HOT! sheesh..

met up with Calvin, a friend met in Melbourne but all from the same hometown, today! :)

took him to a place to have Breakfast and came over to our place to chat.. He’s a pretty good chatter box! I thought we’d have awkward pauses but no, it went smoothly! great!

got my IC after dropping him back home.. wanted to take home some TongSui but the uncle didn’t open his little stall today.. oh well!!

& thanks to Ben, I’m infected with soar throat!! @#$%^&*

in the middle of the night I would wake up seeing his face facing me and coughing IN MY FACE. yikes! sigh~

all the hard work of taking care of him in the middle of the night when he had his fever has all been wiped on his dirty ass..! what graciousness, brother..!

All in all, guess there’s not much for me to report now except for : my homework is still waiting! :/ I’m now hooked onto a game called Dragon Nest (online game – RPG) pretty cool actually.. :D I have better start tomorrow! since I’m going out to see my teachers, I might as well go to the office and do my work after that instead of hanging with jie and her friends SHOPPING.. eee! no no..

*fingers crossed* I get most things dome.. :)

Love, Hannah

I’ve just realised..

2012-01-13T00:05:00.001+11:00

..that I’m giving out too many excuses! (no, its not good!)

given the excuse of no dictionary therefore I haven’t finished reading my English literature books yet, but I could easily check the words up on the internet.. which means I can’t start on my Oral Project. SHOOT!

given the excuse that the house internet is slow therefore not looking up the words and not replying my emails..

given the excuse that my calculator has insufficient batteries therefore can’t do my Math’s homework when I could easily use my brain..

given the excuse to eat because I won’t be having such yummy food back in Melbourne..

given the excuse to not exercise because of the rainy weather when I have the treadmill at home!

given the excuse to go jogging with you even when it is raining but go to your house instead and walked into something I knew that isn’t right..

given the excuse that I won’t be able to see you again and contradict everything I’ve said which will result in planting hope in you which I may never fulfill..

funny how I’ve had so many excuses. :(

there are many more actually.. sigh! what a person I am..

tired! :/ not a good start to a good year!

Love, Hannah

PS: I’ve cut my hair! :) a hint of light in the vast darkness I would say..

bye 2011 & hi 2012!

2012-01-11T23:13:00.001+11:00

This is pretty embarrassing. This post should be on the 1.1.12 but its already 10.1.12! shucks!

SORRY my lovelies!

got caught up with so many things.. too many actually, I don’t know where to begin.

first let me tell you about how spent my New Year’s countdown!

Usually, we’d (Jie & I) go to church and join the service and youth bbq then countdown the new year but this year we did it differently. it was a good time! we had dinner as a family (only the 6 of us), Jie me and Mummy dearest went out to take home some nice crabs and seafood to celebrate which turned out pretty disappointing ‘cause we had to wait about 1 and a half hours for them!! but in the end we had them in our tummies so who cares of a little suffering of having to wait? we ate in the house together (noodles that my ma-ma cooked for us + the seafood!!) and then head upstairs for a movie time!! we watched Norbit. [random from my hard drive] Miraculously, daddy found it funny! haha~ we had some 糖水 [sugar water / tong sui] that Ma-ma boiled also. & after the movie, it was about the time to countdown and see the fireworks. but sadly Kuantan had a sad New Years ‘cause it rained! not much fireworks but it was great, Ben and I kept making noise. & we followed the tradition to jump as high as possible to grow taller! haha~ I sort of forgot what happened next but I know I had heaps of hugs and kisses from my awesome family. though Jie and Hilda and Ben was constantly on their phones wishing people. I just sat there staring. Oh well! that was my New Year!! :D

After the New Year hoo haa, Jie and I planned for our little backpacking trip though she wasn’t very keen but we still went for it anyway!! 3/1 – 6/1 @ Singapore & then 6/1 – 9/1 @ PJ (KL).. don’t really want to type out the whole JOURNEY but here is a ‘brief’ run through of our little trip..:

The ride to Singapore was HORRIBLE! it was worst than a roller coaster! almost puked! stupid bus driver! xD thank God we reached Singapore in one piece! our Aunt picked us up & off we went to her sanctuary. Uncle CK was in Penang (working) so all who is left in their little apartment was 三姨婆，表姑 and Kevin (cousin).. & awesome Kevin didn’t mention they had a pool!! Ish, didn’t bring my swimmies!

1st day, we spent time with the family and that’s about it (oh and also learning from Kevin how to take the MRTs and what not)..

2nd day, Jie & I met up with Rachel Bronto at Raffles City Mall? and walked just about the whole of Singapore City! haha~ SHOOT! I’m not going to post all my photos here but you can check them out in Facebook when their ready! haha~ :D (you know what? Facebook is so not my thing now, craps!) Anyway, we first walked to Esplanade, & then to the Merlion, Marina Bay Sans, and back again to Raffles City to meet up with James. Had dinner together! (feast actually!!) & then we took the flyer!! pretty brief but heck! it was a LONG and HOT day! my legs were complaining shit and I was complaining shit too! [ oh, and silly us, it was James birthday on this day.. we are actually one of the worst friends he’d have so far ]

I forgot the story of the merlion.. hmm! heard that there are many versions of them! :D but anyway, its one thing that sort of describes me: lion cuz I’m a Leo n I love lion cuz their fluffy and I used to be very brave. and the mermaid cuz I love swimming and wish to just be as free as a fish. :)

no I’m not floating, don’t worry! :D

up up and away to the rooftop garden!

I learned that Singaporean’s call this TukTuk gao

our feast!

the birthday boy, JAMES!

us! n I love the BG! :D

okay, now lets zoom pass to the 3rd day = Universal Studios Singapore!!

the funny thing is that when we reached Vivo, we lost each other! :P for half an hour. & the most funniest thing is that I don’t have a phone, and Jie doesn’t have any money.. hmm! but thankfully we still managed to ‘announce’ each other back. :)

so off we went to USS, we managed to get on all the rides available except the 2 major ones : Galactica!! :( well, honestly we were both scared but Jie really didn’t want to go so I didn’t go too cuz I want to go together. but oh well, there’s next time? :) we had a great time there! here’s some pictures!

from 10+am till 7pm we were there! Awesomeness! <3

soar legs were what we gained as well as happiness and many memories there!

Singapore, not a bad place to live in despite the KiaSu-ness of the people there and the heat and all the money money business, it’s a not bad place! hmm~ in consideration!

After Singapore, we spent the weekend with our beloved granny (PoPo) at her place. Woah! her awesome food!! if only I can pack her into my luggage and ship her over to Melbourne, it’ll be great! if she comes over, I don’t have to worry about food! and we could accompany her and she can also explore the western part of the world!! (though Melbourne is sort of Asianised already! haha)

All’s great! this little trip was great. took away some pain and suffering by adding sweetness and awesomeness! :)

Love, Hannah

PS: can’t wait for backpacking trip part 2!!! –> India? Hahaha!! Namaste~

Bangkok :)

2012-01-10T21:21:00.001+11:00

Bangkok

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Sawasde ka!!

went back to my roots! haha~ joking. my grandma is half Thai, though I doubt I have any relatives there? hmm~

did heaps of shopping there! and when I say shopping I mean the art of it – BARGAINING!

one of the things I was proud of was the watch I bought for Ben! its D&G (looked and felt real) which costs B550 but I managed to bargain till B430!! :D & its not that I’m bragging. its just that it looks really awesome on Ben. made him look like a man. I think I have this sort of ‘good’ eye! haha~ even when I bought the materials from India, I managed to pick out good ones. hmm!!! [vain vain!!]

most importantly was that I got to bond with my Aunt & Uncle [mum’s side] and my little cousins AND my awesome POPO! she’s great! well, knowing that I won’t be back for 2 years, I think it’s only right to start bonding before they change or me missing out.

the first day we arrived we straight away went to the hotel because of the terrible jam which wasted heaps of our time but its alright. Ben hurried Hilda and I to go swim at the pool since the sun was setting which would make swimming a whole lot sweeter than just laps. When we reached the pool, it was pretty cold but I jumped in anyway & since I’m in, all I have to do is keep on swimming to keep myself warm right? Hilda joined me after a long pause of ‘should I swim or be a wimp’ dilemma. The disappointing thing was not the sun set too quickly (it was beautiful mind you) or Hilda and I did not do laps, but it was BEN! He chose to be a coward and not join us in the pool. Gee! Talk about growing up and heading towards adulthood much! well bah, whatever!

after swimming, we we so hungry we could practically eat a whole horse! (jokes) but since we were new to the place we didn’t actually know where to go for dinner. Daddy suggested to walk around and find some ‘nice’ place to eat. And by definition, daddy’s nice means something expensive and would not affect our health (clean?). But I wanted local food, something cultural? You know, experience what their local people would eat!! That’s what a vacation for me means. So I found us a nice street food even though everyone wasn’t too keen, but we have walked quite far already and we were super hungry so why not? I was afraid the food wouldn’t turn out good and everyone would KILL me but hey!! It was YUMM! They had Pad Thai, HoyTod(?) [its something like O-Jian], fish ball noodles, beef ball noodles, and pork ball noodles. Ben even had 2 bowls of noodles. I think we gave the owner quite a business for the day. :) It was AWESOME!

Well, all I could say is that the LAST NIGHT of our stay in Bangkok, my grannie (popo) craved for that street food that we had the first night, but sadly it was closed! Though we still managed to get some Pad Thai and HoyTod! wee~

In summary, my trip to Bangkok was pretty amazing. Didn’t bump into ‘funny’ people or passed by the Red Light District (which was a sigh of relief). Though Ben and I managed to grab a ‘motorbike taxi’ for the fun of it! I was just trying to experience their local ‘specialties', but ended up having MR.DADDY giving me a lecture of how dangerous sitting on the taxi would be because we wouldn’t know where they’d take me to. Haha! I doubt anything would happen (yet). Oh! Not to mention, we had our time of relaxation every night! MASSAGES! :D for the 3 nights there, it was always me, Ben and Jie together in one room. Quite funny how Ben was too skinny for the old woman (I was so worried she’d break his bones! haha)..

We didn’t explore deep into the rural areas but I reckon Bangkok has pretty much improved and advanced when compared to Malaysia (well, we’re always behind anyway).

If I have the chance, I would revisit Bangkok again! Actually I would want to explore the whole of Thailand, to see where my Thai blood comes in :D

Love, Hannah

PS: sorry for the DELAY of this post! was suppose to post it about a month ago! :P

Home Sweet Home: Day 5 & 6

2011-12-24T01:02:00.001+11:00

.::Day 5::.

hmm~ lets see what happened on this day.. I’m starting to forget what I did! GEE!

oh now I remember..

I went to the office with mummy, daddy and Hilda.. ate 板面 for breakfast..

did some research and what not on my laptop.. [supposed to do my homework! yikes]

well, I was actually looking for a song and also, did some lousy things on the net when I’m supposedly doing something else that is more beneficial!

anyway, around 1.30pm daddy called Hilda and I for lunch and awesome Hilda just needed to pick Secret Recipe.. hmm~ daddy drove there when I didn’t mind walking but hmm, Malaysia!!

they had soup and cake and what not but I ate a real meal! haha! Chicken Cordon Bleu? ate and lalala~

then Hilda brought up to mummy about her school uniform for next year.. and that was when I wanted to slap her so bad! ish~

She told my mum she wanted ‘baju kurung’ but my mum said 1 only and she cracked up! Hilda demanded for 2 and kept scolding my mum.. well, I tried to talk sense into her saying, I only had 1 (which I forgot how many I had, my aunt gave me new ones so.. ) and you only need one anyway.. wear on Monday and Friday la! or she can wear mine but she had to argue saying mine would be too LONG for her and too BIG! well, HALLOOOO! there’s something called a sewing machine no? I used to wear jie’s old clothes too! sew only la though I like them loose anyway.. ish! was so pissed at her.. we actually decided to go to the mall together after lunch before we had the fight but later on I just told her I don’t want her with me..! ISH

so I went to the mall.. got myself an ice cream (had two rude kids skipping the queue and went in front of me! ISH but I let them la.. 大人不怪小人的错) and walked around the familiar mall aimlessly.. then I decided to text John and Ron to ask whether they’d join me.. and they did so yea. had a good chat. :) awesome buddies!

haha~ they were having the time of their lives on that massage chair! :D Ron in blue, John in pink.

after talking and talking while walking without a direction, I suggested Bubble Tea.. but the old Bubble Tea stall in the mall moved to another mall instead so John drove us to somewhere else instead.. :)

we chat till about 5pm and decided it was time to go back.. John dropped me back in the office ‘cuz I had my laptop there and everything else..

at night we had dinner and well, nothing much I guess..

around 9pm John picked me up to go to Ron’s house for more chit chat and hanging around.. this time Jeremy (Yap) was there too.. he arrived that morning from KL..

woah, Jeremy showed us his artworks and I was awestruck! seriously! and Ron’s as well! 各有各的美 :)

we did heaps of checking out Ron’s videos and what not.. when we checked the time it was already 11.30pm! haha~ John and I suggested SUPPER and we dragged Ron along (sorry Ron, knew you were tired).. John brought us to a really new place for me.. Burgermbira? (combination of the two words: Burger + Gembira [happy])..

I seriously didn’t like the stares that I got and well, the stares that I always get!! :/ not trying to be vain or what but I’m serious.. can just feel the eyes on me! and those grin! (argh..)

anyway, we had our burgers (except Ron) and our drinks.. chat and suddenly Mummy called and said they were going to ChuangKiang for supper and asked me to go over when I’m done with my friends.. we finished around 12 ish and I followed John to drop the 2 off and brought John to see my family (without Hilda).. he had a good chat with my dad I reckon.. :]

when I got home, did some usual things and suddenly my dad called me over to his room with Jie.. we had a really long talk, the four of us [ daddy, mummy, jie and I ] tears rolled, voice projected and eyes bawled.. the talk ended around 4am.. SHIT!

nope, not letting you know what happened in that room.. what said that stays there.. (hopefully)

that’s about it for my DAY 5.. slept with a filled up tummy and a troubled heart! :/ craps!!

.::Day 6::.

woke up at 9.15am. made a date with the boys again but this time with Jaslene, Angeline and her sister + Ben and Jie.. :) went to HoiYin! awesome breakfast place near the beach..

had a great chat with the guys. had to go home to buy food for dinner so I went off early instead of watching a movie with them.. sorry! [ first time ever I got invited to watch Breaking Dawn with guys!! ]

I forgot what I did on this day but I do remember I made meatballs!! :) [its 23/12/2011 now – sorryyy!!!]

& Jaslene slept over. she kept smacking my bum! gee!! WUMAN!!

over all I guess it wasn’t a bad day..

Love, Hannah

许诺

2011-12-08T15:09:00.001+11:00

哇！昨晚看了一部电影，太浪漫了。也太悲惨，唉！

《白蛇传说》

I can only describe this movie with this one word : Epic! :)

“虽然我已经修炼了一千年，可这一千年都不如跟你的一瞬间重要。”

really like the plot and the story.. just awesome! seldom see such a nice Chinese movie around nowadays.

“失去你还怕失去什么？”

很对啊！但是在这人生之间还有这种爱吗？还有谁敢那么勇敢的爱？唉，太令人失望了。

可能是这样吧了，就把爱丢去海里，永远都不能拥有。

妖怪也敢爱的那么深。那我们人呢？算什么东西啊！

“我的心，不会变，为了你，再出现。”

看了才明白，爱有多伟大。能带一个人那么多的欢乐，也能带那么多的悲哀。

最后，令我感动的是这一句。。

“只要快乐，爱是没有错”

Love, Hannah

Home Sweet Home: Day 4

2011-12-08T14:03:00.001+11:00

slept half a day today! hehe! must have been really tired from bowling last night!

had a really nice dream too, I guess I just didn’t want the dream to end..

woke up and realised I had heaps of messages in my phone and one of them is from an anonymous number which said ‘wazzup?’.. and I thought to myself, who could that be, so I asked.. guess what? it was RON :) good ol’ friend!

Ron – its amazing how we first met each other! :D a really funny story!! and our friendship lasted THIS long.. from when I was form 1 till now! Gee!! :)

he just got back today.. haha! and yeap, I went over to his place after lunch and one episode of Jie’s drama.. I should really refrain myself from watching it! it’s horrible!!

& thank GOD I remembered how to get to his place even when I have only been there once to drop him of (John drove).. it has almost been a year and I could remember, woo! thank God!! *good memory still in tact?*

went over to his place abt 3-ish? had a really good long talk! haha~ he told me about his life there in NZ and I told him a little bit of mine, couldn’t really open up.. 1) those aren’t fairy tales or anything to be celebrated- mostly bad news.. :( 2) I’m afraid I’d cry in front of him! craps!

anyway, we had a really LONG talk.. about 6pm I had to go back.. walked to MaMa’s house (mummy didn’t get my SMS and she went home already so had to get a ride from MaMa).. On the way to her place, saw Richie playing his normal evening games with his neighbors in the park.. gave him a cousin hug and well, hope to see him again soon!! Bambi is still Bambi!! argh! her high pitched voice greeted me when I reached the gates!! GEE! silly dog! YiKuJie came over and well, we chatted a little and hmm~ did I actually grew taller? I doubt so since Ben had shoot up like some plant! YiKuJie and MaMa dropped me back home on their way to their usual walks in the evening.. Jie should really join them since she doesn’t want to join me when I go for my swim.. *though I’m a little restricted from going for a swim.. stupid girl problem!!*

ate and again, had some heart to heart with Tina Jie Jie.. :( she’s wise in a funny way! that wuman!

ooo OOO! I painted my nails!! teehee!! haven’t had the time, or well, the interest to paint them when I was in Melbourne.. plus my work didn’t allow me to paint them with striking colours so I don’t see any reason for me to waste my time on them right? But yes!! I even had them mixed up like what I used to do before! :) miss miss!! this time I had to try pink.. why? I don’t know.. think cuz I’ve been using my brother’s clothes here so I need some sort of thing to make myself seem feminine in a way? haha! some lame excuse yea? but yes! had fun indeed!! especially when I could bond with Hilda in any way would be a plus!

oh and here is my picture when I got my foot spa! :D teehee!

thank you Hilda! u did a beautiful job! *though I had to trim my own nails myself*

oh oh!! guess what I found when I went to mummy’s office? hehe!!

haha!! this is such a CUTE picture! :) Ben, Hilda (in white of course), ME and Jie! wahaha~ Jie lost her front tooth! maybe I punched her too hard? :/ hmm~ I don’t remember but I remembered she stuffed my head in toilet bowl! :( damn it! haha~ I too remember that I closed the car door on her hand intentionally! teehee! we were some KUNG FU PANDAs back then! & Ben used to run so fast that he couldn’t press his break in time to stop himself, and BAM he’d usually smack himself on the wall and fall flat on his bum! haha~ that’s why his head is huge now! haha~ from all the wall banging..

I LOVE US! Now, before and forever! :)

Love, Hannah

Home Sweet Home: Day 2 & 3

2011-12-07T04:57:00.001+11:00

.::Day 2::.

Nothing much happened..

mummy woke me up and I woke Hilda up.. We went to Lot 66 for breakfast (干捞面和鱼圆） [Papa & Mama Leong, Hilda and I]

I called Uncle Chong up to ask about my driving thingy.. :( apparently I have to take my M’sian license to drive here! SHUCKS.. well, I’m up for it..!

Police station was our next stop to report my ‘missing-in-action’ IC (Identification card) but instead they said we can go straight to JPN to make it! hmm~ :)

My right thumb print wasn’t working.. :’( resulting in the delay of me getting my NEW IC.. oh wells! as long as I’ve done what I’m supposed to do.. :)

went home. got my foot spa from Hilda. :D finally clean feet! now just have to find time to paint them..

had dinner at home (Tina Jie Jie cooked as usual.. mm home cooked food!)

got to spend some time with Tina Jie Jie, talked and cleaned the kitchen at the same time.. good times good times! had some time out to Aunty Sally’s place for a little chat.. mm~

after that,around 10pm Yan Wen picked me up for YUMCHA! 很喜欢! [Yan Wen, Hui Shun, Yi Yeong and I in her white MYVI]

ate 西米捞 by the beach.. chat a lot and heaps of questions for me.. YIKES.. Elaine and David came later.. Yi Yeong just finished his SPM yesterday.. Good on ya’ bro! all’s good I would say.. though I do feel a little gap.. its been ages since we gathered plus Elaine and David moved to another church.. hmm~

I have a question in my head on this day ever since Jie got me hooked on her Chinese drama.. There will always be some love triangle in a drama and this one got me thinking whether the heroin’s choice would be what I would choose too in real life.. I seriously don’t know.. All I know was to cry even when it wasn’t a sad scene or anything but it was just her choice clashed with mine and I understood why she did what she did and why I wouldn’t do it.. Hmm~ I don’t know.. It really hit me hard, this show! Oh well.. All I can say and do is to leave it up to Him.. I’ll let Him hold the pen to my life’s book..

How to be brave? How can I love when I’m afraid to fall?

around 12am David sent me back home (had french fries with ice cream after my 2 bowls of 西米捞 – hehe!)

but I got dragged for supper again [daddy, ben, hilda, and Jie] @ Khalsa (favorite Roti Telur place!!).. feel so fat now! craps!! ate so much~

since Aunt Flow came, swimming would be my last option for a form of exercise! So how to burn the extra weight? guess I just have to carry them!! :/

.::Day 3::.

again, mummy woke me up! we [ Ben, Jie, Hilda and I ] decided to go to the Pasar for the awesome noodles and half boiled eggs last night but when I tried to wake them up, they wouldn’t budge! :/ so I went alone with Papa and Mama Leong..

missed the good and cheap food! worth the wait! :) especially the EGGS! wee..

After that I went to the office (thank God I brought my laptop) and chilled.. paid the bill, updated my Facebook and just chilled.. watched a movie (half of it before lunch) called The Eagle. It’s a good movie, I reckon..

Daddy had to eat lunch with his friends so I went to Megamall with mummy around 1.30pm.. We shopped at Guardian for about 1 hour! 0____________- spent RM500! my gosh.. mummy!!! but can’t blame her, she’s only doing that for us! Love you!!

Mummy is such a ‘GOOD & LOYAL’ customer at Guardian.. haha! even the 姐姐 will keep some goods for mummy and all the freebies.. haha!! funny!! :D

ate lunch with her, didn’t get to ‘talk’ to her ‘cause she was stressing about the phone bills! :/ BEN n HILDA! ish!! 2 sims and phones each?! for WHAT? 0____________-

fixed my glasses.. went back to the office until daddy told me to see Kaiyeh and WeiJun.. so I went over to IQ Quest (few shop lots away from my parent’s office).. helped WeiJun with Additional Maths! woah!! Miss maths!! (reminds me: my holiday homework!! – tomorrow I promise to start on them!)

around 4.30pm, I went back to finish watching my movie.. :) good movie good movie indeed!

reached home and crashed on the bean bag arnd 6pm! was so sleepy! I think my feet is really injured that its draining my entire body’s energy just to support them! :(

had yummy dinner of course!

around 7.50pm all of us were squashed into daddy’s car, on our way to the charity event (BOWLING!) that was organized by the Pahang Royal Golf Club.. we had fun! :) [Jie and I played with a malay girl ; WeiJun, ZenYe, Ben and Hilda played amongst themselves] it was great.. had a couple of strikes! haha!! :D though my arm seriously hurts like hell now! :( played 3 games + some additional naughty randomness! teehee!

so I injured my feet and now my right arm.. great!'

the event ended at 11pm. then Ben wanted supper! so ChungKiang was our next stop! haha~ woo!! love the food.. had ‘ngar po 老鼠粉' and ‘扣肉面'.. yumyum!!

& here I am.. washed my face with the newly bought KOREAN products from Guardian thanks to Mummy Dearest.. feel clean and tired..

pain was all I felt during the game.. :( physically hurting myself and honestly, emotionally I’m drained..

& randomly, my MP3 player is playing a really nice song at the moment.. its called God gave me you by Blake Shelton..

why did He give me you, I ask myself.. when all I feel now is just pain but oh well.. temporary pain and its okay, I have confidence in myself that I will just shrug it off in no time.. I’m fine. [full stop]

PS: time to sleep now.. zZz

Day 4 here I come!!!

Love, Hannah

Home Sweet Home: Day 1

2011-12-05T17:27:00.001+11:00

Hello there!

I apologize for the ‘lag’ from OCTOBER and I’m back (shocking!).

Many incidents happened in between these 2 timelines.

Oh well, good and bad I should say..

IYES I’m finally back HOME! the rain welcomed me for the whole night (last night)..

Yesterday, I was still working (@ Red Emperor).. Was still stressing out with Hazel on what to stuff into our 2 luggage bags! Was still having some nice Pizzas with Hazel’s cell members (Ladies Night Out).. Everything happened quite slowly at that time itself then again it happened so fast I forgot how I got into the plane. Haha!

Florence was so kind to give Jie and I a lift to the airport. We were quite early.. Queued up at the check in area and soon enough we dropped our luggage off. :)

We walked around and ‘shopped’ a little. Bought jie a neck pillow and I bought 2 Midori (for $58!! – duty free!).. I’m NOT an alcoholic! haha~ yes I am denying it! I bought it because they don’t sell it here in Malaysia, so I just wanted to let my friends try it. :D

Called up Hesmond because WE WERE BOARDING THE SAME PLANE :)

From then on, we 3 (Hazel Hesmond and Hannah) H’s began our journey back together! :D

I didn’t expect myself to sleep on the plane but I did.. Pity the guy who sat beside me.. (haha!) I kept sneezing and moving around [uncomfy seat!].. & to the guy infront of Jie which I accidentally made him wake up.. :/ Anyway, I got REST which was really weird cuz I thought I wouldn’t be able to..

When I touched down we bid our good byes to Hesmond and waited for MnD in Starbucks [ didn’t like the chocolate that Jie bought ].. Hilda and Ben came too! We went to PoPo’s house in PJ and had a little chat before we head off for breakfast (yumcha – dim sums), then we went to SS2 (new mall in PJ) to shop a little.. hmm~

when we went back to PoPo’s house, Jie and I ate durian! (oh good news! Hilda’s period finally came! haha..) then drank the ‘凉茶' that PoPo boiled.. hmm 妹妹 (my little cousin) has grown up already!! SO BIG and HEAVY, can’t carry her anymore..

after some calls to my beloveds (FRIENDS) we head back home (Kuantan), slept in the car again! I think I was too tired? when I woke up, we had already reached my hometown and we were at the nice and yummy Rojak place but I JUST woke up! ish! couldn’t they have woke me up before we reached? then I could let my tummy prepare itself? gee! anyway, had rojak and CENDOL! mmm~ yummy!

Home was the same. Dogs still barked and welcomed us as usual. :’) Tina Jie Jie almost made me cry! gee! that wuman.. Happy , yes I am!

Daddy decided to go for golf which automatically made me want to swim. Hilda came along to 陪. had some melancholy time for myself while swimming.. thought of what happened the whole year and thank God for just about EVERYTHING He gave me.. the bad and the good. :)

Hilda now owes me a foot spa! MUAHAHA.. because she dared me to swim 20 laps non stop which was no biggy! :D wee~ foot spa here I come.. (home made foot spa!)

When I got back home after swimming ( the rain forced daddy and I to leave our sport ) mummy was sleeping and she fell sick.. EEKS.. :/ (mild fever) that just leaves Daddy, Ben, Jie and I for dinner cuz Hilda didn’t want to go since she need to rest due to her girly problem.. We went to the Red Wine Chicken noodle soup place! :D with Mama & YehYeh.. Alls yum! mmm~ had O-Jian! YUMM!!

the rain was SUPER heavy!! Most of Kuantan was flooded! gee.. Thank God my grannies and our house is on higher ground.. :/

hmm~ when I got back, had some time with Hilda.. watched Modern Family!!! :D happy times happy times!

had some time alone before I slept.. different bed, different room, different house, different country! :) but it’s the same.. same when I left it.. ‘enjoy your holidays’ people said to me before I left Melbourne.. so coming home is a holiday now? instead of a home? it really is making me think.. woah.. Sanguine Melancholic isn’t really working for me..

Anyway, just enjoy my time here.. especially with those I love, with those I miss, with those who loves me too.. ‘Thank You for Loving me even though I have failed you many times..’

Love, Hannah

I mean what I say, sometimes.

2011-10-29T02:06:00.001+11:00

Haha. Useless prop. (: that’s what I am. great.

No I don’t agree. unfortunately I foresee more drama. But what can I say to you? No? haha! well, I think I’d prefer slicing away my tongue than to let you know how I feel. know why? because 1) you’re too happy that you have decided before hand. 2) well, I guess my opinions are just garbage.

all started with my baby being played with without me having a say, though I know even if you asked, I would allow. But well, courtesy?

That I decided to put aside. when I want to join, I feel too tiny of a help and its like I’m self inviting so why bother? :/

Yes, I’m being a girl now. Oh wells, God did not give me boobs and feminine body parts for no reason ya!?

Chat with a friend of mine last night. He told me this: ‘ I don’t like working here. My members aren’t here’. Then I told him, go make new ones. But he said ‘what’s the point?’. then I totally got him.

Like, they would never be as good as your original friends. And plus, too lazy to put all my heart and soul into making a new bunch of friends that will never be as good. Don’t want to seem so desperate as well. Haha! That’s how I feel now.

And this answers your question. Why do I seem to connect better with the opposite sex? Well, because my BFFS at home are mostly girls. & maybe I just don’t think there are those that are as good. or well, we don’t connect in a way. No matter how much I want to, I just feel like I seem so desperate. so I give up. its not like I need anymore ‘girl’ friends. I’m fine. [not, but what can I do right?]

I hang with guys now not because I want to seem like a bitch or a whore. but because I don’t want to feel like a girl. I don’t want to feel so STUPID and YOUNG. so EMOTIONAL. especially emotional. I’m terrible as hell when I feel them.

I’m tired. looking forward to going home! seriously! want to swim all these SHIT out of my system. and recharge myself with all my friends’ love. So I can last another year without feeling so empty like how I am feeling now. I’m running out of love from humans. Yes I know I must be filled with His joy and Him only but no harm looking for some earthly pleasures and happiness once in a while?

sigh

I feel fake again. even my smile isn’t real anymore. its all coming back. seriously I mean this : kill me now.

Love, Hannah

PS: Rosella, mummy wants you to know that if anything happens to me that prevents me from having you, I’m sorry. Sorry for being a coward and giving up too easily. I love you. Know you’d be perfect. Just perfect.

I am merely a human.

2011-10-28T00:57:00.001+11:00

Sensitive. Jealous. Attention Seeking.

笨蛋！大蠢蛋！没用的家伙！白痴！

Yes, I always complain about you to M&D. I can’t read your mind. I don’t know how to comfort you, your way, when you are having a bad day. Its hard for me to swallow everything you throw at me. I am envious that’s why I do it. I am tired therefore I just let it pass. I cry because I know it’s true. I yell because I want to get your attention. I fold my arms to feel secure. I roll my eyes but silently I am asking for strength and patience. I am sorry.

it was wrong to say what I have said. It came out without me thinking twice. Stupid, I am. Wasn’t that what I first said? lesser than half your IQ and EQ. sigh. though I have accepted myself for who I am, what I don’t like is disappoint people around me and hurt them especially due to this retarded trait of mine.

No I don’t blame you. If its hard for you then just push the blame on me. I deserve it anyway. Somebody’s got to take the hit for the team. Just hopefully I am still able to walk with my head held high after all has happened. After all the blame I will take upon my own shoulders. I’m sorry for not being there with you when that happened. I’m sorry for comforting my friend instead of comforting you first. I am sorry that you had to hold this in for such a long period of time. I am sorry that whatever I have done to you might affect your presentation the other day. I am sorry.

I know I can’t change you or your mindset. If you think I was being pathetic, I am sorry. I deserve the whole world’s curse if that helps you feel relief once again. Sorry for blurting out those words that has hurt you. But know this, no sin is greater than the other. If you have repented and set yourself on the path that is in a Godly manner, you are then made pure once again in His name.

Shouldn’t even have told you. Why did I do that? What was I trying to say? I don’t really know. But all I know was this, when you said he told you that I might have my own problems, I guess its true and that made me wanted to just let you know. I know I shouldn’t make that an excuse to let out my inner and sober thoughts. It should be kept and not revealed to anyone. Horrible thing indeed. I’m sorry.

I wish I just have that one person there for me. Just there to see me cry. Just there to hear me sob. Just there to wipe away my tears.But not asking what happened. But that is impossible. So ya, I’ll just have to do it on my own. Simple and easy and effective. Human I am.

Just a human. How long more can I last? Honestly, I don’t know. but if it multiplies then I would say, not long. Foolish things I would do and have done and won’t mind doing it right this time around. If it multiplies and becomes heavier than the consequences I will have to bear, then I would do it. For what you ask? I guess its just for a second of emotionless. Just to be able to let go all these heavy sacks of guilt and sadness and just unhealthy emotions that are all over me.

Just stay where you are. Or maybe its even better to turn back and run away. Don’t come any closer. What benefit would you get out of me? *laughs* nothing. Perhaps you could even lose a couple of dimes here and there. No. I don’t deserve all good things that you are able to give me because I can’t repay you, I’ll just be a rip off.

You deserve all that I have. Take them. I don’t need them. I won’t do what you wouldn’t like me to do. I would just see you be happy and congratulate you from afar. I don’t know what else I can do. Perhaps that’s it. But that will only happen again when He hardens my heart (Exodus), and that I gathered enough courage to just end it. Funny how I’m already considering it. Maybe you’d be happier then. Less of me, all for you.

Sorry for the EMO post! haha~ Don’t worry! I’m alright. GOLDFISH Hannah would be my nicky tomorrow!

Love, Hannah

PS: yes, ~~love~~ me. ~~that’s all I need.~~

PPS: there is a place for us. but if my presence would make you unhappy, I’ll go.

Kaleidoscope

2011-10-26T02:32:00.001+11:00

From Wikipedia : A kaleidoscope is a circle of mirrors containing loose, colored objects such as beads or pebbles and bits of glass. As the viewer looks into one end, light entering the other end creates a colorful pattern.

Its just like how I would look to God and then I will see all these colorful and bright lights shining directly at me for me to see His beauty.

Coincidence isn’t the right word. Let’s just say every thing that has happened in my life is all blessed by Him. Though some may seem like it’s a horrible thing, but I believe there’s always a rainbow behind the clouds and rain. Patience is the secret ingredient that makes the fruit sweeter. :)

Joy is something entirely different from happiness. Joy, in the Biblical context, is not an emotion. Joy is attitude of the heart. It is not necessarily based on something positive happening. Joy is something that lasts; happiness is something that is temporary. When happiness fades away, joy remains. Joy is something that is bigger than you and I and our current circumstances. Joy brings us peace in the middle of a storm. Joy is something that God deposits into us through the Holy Spirit. The enemy tries everything in his power to steal your joy because it is that important. On the other hand, the enemy will tempt you with things that will temporarily give you happiness but at the same time drift you away from God.

There is a big difference between joy and happiness. Happiness is an emotion and temporary; joy is an attitude of the heart. Hold on tight to your joy.

http://briancromer.com/2008/04/28/difference-between-joy-and-happiness/

It is a joy to know that whenever my world is falling apart, like there is no light to break up the dark, that’s when I look at You. Constantly there to comfort me and heal me from the hurt that I might have collected along the way of falling.

Beautiful indeed are Your works and creation!

Oh! I did not share about the sermon David showed us during cell last Saturday. It really helped me in a way to decide on what I want to achieve and do in the future. I always think that I MUST do something that is in His will but c’mon, its stupid to think that way not only because you will never find out what is in His will but also because He isn’t a GPS. He can’t just say, “Hannah, take a left turn now and become a doctor. That will be a career you would succeed in the future.”! Then there is no reason for freedom! He gave up His freedom in order for us to gain ours. So, do what you must. But always remember that you will still walk along side with Him & not go against His word. Know this: whatever you do now, is IN His will. It isn’t a coincidence! Read Exodus again. He was the one that harden Pharoah’s heart, remember? So that shows that He is always in control. :)

Now what I must do is, blossom into the flower that He has planned for me to. It may take me several EONS to achieve that, but I know He will be there for me to guide me through this walk with Him.

Love, Hannah

PS: the closer we get, the more I am able to feel warmth in this winter cold.

Thanksgiving Sunday! pt. 2

2011-10-25T00:05:00.001+11:00

[cont’d]

There were FREE church breakfast, lunch and dinner! Thanks to all the awesome kitchen hands that prepared them with love! I didn’t even have to spend a DIME on food yesterday! filled with His love and the food He had blessed us all with!

Supposed to go to Jaja’s place for a G.O.C session but I ended up napping in his room! :) really needed that nap! AiWee, Andreas and Nic was there too! Played Starcraft II. Aaron was playing with them too! oh my gosh! how technology have GROWN.

Had a funny dream actually. but I forgot what it was about. oh wells!

at 4.30pm I automatically woke up, I think because I heard some birds singing.. (:

[random ramble #3: I changed my music player! listen to the one which is by Marie Digby called Spell. It is really lovely. filled with emotions but it is really nice!]

OhOh!! Jaja plays DA2! omigosh! hehe~

Jaja and I trammed back to church. That’s when I went back out from church to find Jay and give him his b’day pressie (cuppy cakes)! It was such a sunny day! hot hot!

Happy Birthday Jay! :) don’t really know you for a long period of time but its good to have known you! (: despite our differences, we clicked like instantly! May God bless you abundantly with love, joy and peace that will take you to many wonderful places! Love, Hannah

Before 6pm service started, we (dancers) went to the Parent's room to do one more last practice and then we stretched. While stretching, we had a really nice convo. Abt Hesmond and him leaving. Oh my gosh, Hesmond won’t be joining us already. :( He will be going back to Malaysia! He is an exchange student from Malaysia. From AMPANG! might meet up sometime when I get back! (:

Bonded with AiWee after our dance when there was the sermon. She is pretty cool! (: Silently thanking Him that He gave me an open heart to accept all kinds of different people in my life! All’s good! AiWee is super creative! haha~ she is the girl that I used to be. Cropping my shirts, alter them here and there.. Haha! I have given that up though. Plus I don’t have a sewing machine here. Lazy to use my hand. Always prick myself! :X

After church, I decided to stay in Church for church dinner. Sorry Andreas and AiWee! I talked to Andrew. Andrew is the guy that encouraged me to join Dance Ministry and Music Ministry! He was the first friendly guy that approached me and 姐 when it was our first time there (alone)! Love you Andrew! you are super awesome! (:

Then I talked to Sharon and Ps Lou. Sharon is a Filipino. She is one of the most talented singers I’ve ever met in my whole life! such an inspiration! Energetic for her age! and really bubbly as a person! Love you Ate Sharon! (Ate [pronounced as ah teh] is older sister in Tagalog) So much to learn from you especially that beautiful personality that you have! Just blows me away. Always remind me of my own Ate back home! Ate Tina!!! :D

Went home after that. Quite tired! Got to chat with Kuya Chris for a bit on whatsapp (kuya means older brother in Tagalog too!). Apparently he isn’t feeling well. Oh no! the people around me are falling sick. YIKES! I’m falling a little sick too but that’s my fault. have been eating not so healthy food lately! VITAMINS & CEREALS & WATER here I come!!

Okay, so now what I have to do is :

take care of myself properly (go on a little diet) so I wont fall sick on my exam day!
finish up my make up classes!
finish up my revision for PE and then do all the tests!
go for Friday Revision Class at DECV
help out for School’s Awards Evening! Just at the back of my house (Monash Uni)

actually there are more in my hands but well, minors I guess!

FOCUS wuman! 我可以的！

Love, Hannah

PS: something is happening..

PPS: I miss Miley Cyrus’s song called When I look at you! therefore I added it in my music player! Sorry if it takes EONS to load! 对不起。

PPPS: 只有你明白。只有你的爱。只有你的微笑。只有你。。

香蕉! Banana is who I am. :D

you little cutie monster! (: can’t wait for you to start running. to start school. to grow and blossom into the beautiful flower God has planned for you to be.

Thanksgiving Sunday! pt.1

2011-10-24T00:20:00.001+11:00

146th year! Speechless (in a good way, of course!)

There are no words
Good enough to thank You
There are no words to express my praise
But I will lift up my voice
And sing from my heart
With all of my strength

-Hallelujah to the Lamb (hymn)

it has been an AWESOME GODSOME day for me!

was given the privilege to worship and to give Him honor by dancing!

Though I am not very good at it but I am given at least some ‘Mana’ is dancing :) so I have decided to use them and multiply them by continuously challenging myself to improve for Him.

Decided to sleep at 4am! Silly me huh? Shouldn’t even have slept! :/ was baking! For Yoshi and Jay (it is Jay’s 21st birthday!). Yoshi is because I promised him many EONS ago! so ya.. here are the awesome looking (not sure awesome tasting though) cuppycakes:

I look sleepy! EEKS! still managed to ‘write’ the names okay-ly.

am I forgiven?

Woke up late! Actually I set 5 alarms to wake me up but I kept snoozing them and the next thing I know, it was 7.30am already! crappy! :(

[random ramble: eating cherry tomatoes now! apparently I need them since my skin is getting really OLD and bad!]

So, everything was normal as usual. Practiced before the real thing just to polish up some moves. Warmed up and especially prayed! I always find that praying always helps my nervousness. And it usually reminds me that I’m not doing it for me or to let people know that I am performing but rather I am doing it to praise and worship Him in a different way. :)

OhOh! Worship today was AMAZING! it was so.. OVERWHELMING! loved it. stayed for all 3 services’ worship just to fill up as much of Him as possible! :) LOVELOVELOVE! there was Hugh on the drums (WOAH!), Esmond @ Elec Guitar, JAJA @ bass (woah x2), Bell @ keyboard (woah x3), Abrahm @ acoustic guitar and lead (woah x4), Sharon & Weldy @ b/u singing (woah x5). & there were Strings! Such as the awesome violinists and cellist! must NOT also forget that DANANA was at the Sound system! the songs were so, yummy! filled me up until my spiritual ‘bottle’ is OVERFLOWING with His love and grace and mercy and JOY! THANKYOU

Dance:

9AM – it was okay. A little shaky but it was alright! not many mistakes.
11.15AM – NOOOO! I messed up biggy time! got tangled by the cloth (loose strings) and then got too nervous till I forgot quite a number of steps! EEKS!
6pm – this was my favorite! :) teehee! I thanked Him silently in my heart when I got till the end of my step. I was so filled with happiness, I wanted to jump and yell His name! :X thank GOD I didn’t do that. Must be very PAISEH.

after dancing for 11.15, I didn’t stay for the sermon (stayed already @ 9am) but I went for my discipleship with Maria. Again, we did not really touch on our bible study together but we managed to link some of them to our problems. MUST RMB to bring tissues whenever we have this session together! haha! :’)

we had a really nice chat together. :) Thank you Maria. You’re AWESOME!

[random ramble #2: I am sleepy now.. shall continue tomorrow or when I am free? :/ SORRY!]

Love, Hannah

PS: stay tuned..

Sunny & bright

2011-10-19T02:41:00.001+11:00

It was a very productive day today! (:

did not miss any classes. In fact, I’m leaving quite a good impression on my teachers (starting today).

Cleared my BMT & PE make up classes. Need to focus on English & perhaps Maths as well!

I stayed back after school today. until 5pm!! Never felt so good even though I was starving. Haha~ poor guy that was sitting in the library with me must have had troubles focusing since my tummy was grumbling like so many times & so loud as well!!

Anyway, after school I cycled back home and got ready to go to Life Worth Living course @ church!

While I was in the tram, I looked outside. I saw so many cars passed by, slowly (traffic jam). Then I observed the many different kinds of people in the many different kinds of cars. (: quite hilarious actually!

Some were business people in really posh cars. Some were students that had a very 2nd hand look kind of car. Some were family cars with the mum driving in the front. Different people tells a different story.

Then I began to wonder, who would I want to be? Who would I want to portray when other’s take a glimpse of me? Hmm~ I don’t want to be that guy that sits there, smoking while waiting for the lights to turn green. I don’t want to be the girl with the weird hair and run down car. I don’t want to be a frowny business looking person. I want to be smiling. I want to be able to give others a look of love and peace. How do I do that? God knows!! haha~

But yea, just wanted to share with you what an awesome thought I had today when I was in the tram! :D

Perhaps I want to be a woman with a business suit & a smile on my face in a not bad looking car.

Perhaps perhaps.

Still have quite a long time to think of that! Teehee!

Love, Hannah

PS; noticed I changed my mp3 player? :) Do you like it? I am suddenly just interested with strings! really soothing in a way. I’m going to study with my blog opened just for the songs! If I had more time I would add more songs to it! But oh wells! Enjoy~

榴莲公主

2011-10-19T02:22:00.001+11:00

when I was younger I used to buy this comic. Its called the durian princess :)

I really liked it. (: still have a whole collection of it at home! teehee~

It was one of the reasons why I was so tough on the outside last time.. haha! miss those days..

Funny how I always think that I was little bit like her.. Hard and solid and strong and bold on the outside but so vulnerable and fragile and soft on the inside..

hehe~ I want to read it again! its so nice! so nice to see how she manages to get past many obstacles even though its tough & rough!

Wonder why I’m talking about this now?! (: it was the Malaysian street fest yesterday at Victoria Market!! 姐 bought 2 containers of durians $7 each!! teehee~ its sooooo yum! super duper yummy! miss miss durians~

love the smell of it, love the texture of it, love all of durian! its just so nice how it looks so yucky and weird on the outside but its so nice and fruitful on the inside :)

I’m taking a stroll back on my memory lane for a moment.

Remember how daddy always gets free durians from his friends (most of them own durian farms?) so ya! we’ll get them for free. after dinner we’ll rest our tummy for a bit and then we’d drag mummy and daddy down outside.. have the cloth ready. the knife ready. the rubbish bag ready and we’re ready! Daddy would always be the man to chop up the durian. looks like hard work! 谢谢你啊老爸! 幸苦你了。& I love how he always let us try to open them up ourselves. haha! sometimes we’d fail to open them up cuz we’re just not strong enough. but he will praise us anyway. and sometimes we succeed in opening them and u can just smell that victory and taste it as well! (: couldn’t have wished for a better memory of durians! one of our traditions at home! will never forget it!

I wonder when is durian season back home? have I missed it? have I miss that part of our tradition as well? :/ Perhaps in life when we leave our family and friends behind, we will have to just let go. have to create our own new ones. just like the durian! solid on the outside – makes one durian. but when u open it up u get many layers of the fruit. like the many chapters in life. *sigh*

anyway! not going to make this a sad post now would I?

Have a great week ahead!!

Love, Hannah

Tim’s Valete Dinner

2011-10-17T01:10:00.001+11:00

15.10.11 (六）

Rush Rush Rush is what happened this whole day!

Rushed to work. Rushed to usher customers in. (Ken & Kim came!)

There was a wedding reception at Red Emperor today. SO many people were rushing too! Rushed the decoration. Rushed the guests to sit and quiet down. Rushed the bride. Oh my GOSH!

Anyway. It was a not bad day. :) Got free cupcakes from the wedding which was yum!

& I have decided to keep 45% of my pay every week and not touch it until I go back to Malaysia! Get to S.H.O.P!! hehe.. 55% of it will be for Offering (NOT ALL!), grocery money ($20/weekly) and then mine to spend daily. which only is around $5 a day. sucks! haha~ well! I can do this.

I decided to spend half of my 55% yesterday on a belt for Tim’s dinner. so expensive! but hey, I do need soon or later. :)

Anyway, I went to cell after work. (always late. :( so sorry!! sigh) it was drizzling. and I don’t know where my umbrella is! GEE! so yes. I was a little soaked. a little. *sniffery sniff!*

It was a TOTALLY bad move to go to cell cuz Rach and I had to rush back home to change. was already late! argh~ then I told the cab driver to drop us at the wrong stop! argh. had to run all the way.. was so sweaty when we reached. what was more humiliating is that our appetizers came out when everyone had them like.. 10 odd minutes ago! gee! :/ YIKES!

but since then on everything was pretty normal.. take a look at the pictures! though I seriously think that the shoes I wore was so not.. fitting with whatever I was wearing! why didn’t I think of my black heels instead!? I’m crazy..

failed picture with John though it’s the only one I have with him. so keepin it!

Rach & I :)

Eunice Lin (my prayer buddy!) & Rach..

NeNe. :) haha~ sorry! took it while u were eating.. hehe! Eunice so AntiSocial!!

Timothy Tam! haha~ :) Tim Tam (actually is Tan)

the other many people..

aww~

Crown Lager. wish it was a little more chilled. not very yum when it sort of warmed up.

Danana’s creation. out of the blue but lovely!!

NeNe, Eunice, Tim & Rach..

the guys! John, Danana, Tim & David (my cell leader)

Rach, Kim Oh and ME.

hehe.. the prayer buddies! :)

see that star there! reminds me of Gaga all of a sudden! teehee!

my dessert palate! :) Ate most of Danana’s rummed-up-cheese cake as well! YUM

Tim & his tea. why was I taking this actually? I forgot!! hmm~

the 18s in DimSum (my cell)! hehe~ Action Jackson John? :D

David and Nene!!

hehe~

Tim & Rachel

ME & Tim.

woah~ 帅！

Banana & Danana! haha~ funny how we have almost similar nickies. @least I’m not alone!

all smiles.

Yeap. So that’s most of our pictures! :D

we’re all so smiley. (:

Anyway. After that Tim, Rach & I played pool and table tennis for a bit.. Though, table tennis isn’t really my thing since I’m a little tipsy and I had no glasses on! (so need to get contacts!)

pool was fun! though I was the first to lose! but it was fun! :D

we played till like 10.40pm and then head to the small hall for Liverpool vs Manu! It was nice. Haven’t watched soccer with a bunch of people in such a long time. :) miss those days!

1-1 was the score. Seriously don’t like drawn matches! so saddening! prefer one win one lose.. :/ oh wells!

Anyway. got a picture I downloaded from Facebook. its from Kim Oh’s cam. :)

Like this pic. Though my hand looks awkward. hehe~

That night was good. alls good!

Nothing much to add..

Love, Hannah

PS: Have you ever thought just.. maybe.. you belong with me? – Taylor Swift.

Drink with elegance.

2011-10-13T23:14:00.001+11:00

Hey people! (:

Yes this post is a little bit on drinking. and when I mean drinking, of course I don’t mean water!

10.10.11 (Monday)

I bought a voucher from spreets.com for Rum Tasting for 2 only $29. 6 best Rum in the world with complimentary desserts. Yum!

Went with Rachel. Funny how we’re both noobs and how in the blue moon are we suppose to support one another if one just passes out? HAHA. But who cares?

The place is called the 29th Apartment on St.Kilda. It’s a really casual place. So much like an apartment. There’s even a bed, a bath tub, a huge old fashioned tv and so much that reminds you of an apartment that you’d actually live in. (:

Here are the pictures:

See the bed!!!

That’s the soccer game thingy.

Can you see the sink and the bath tub? You can actually sit in it you know? I wasn’t drunk enough to do that though. Haha. Next time! (:

The entrance is on the left. & see that HUGE old fashioned tv? It was showing Mary Poppins!!

That’s our tasting palate.

Each Rum has its card which describes its taste and a little Trivia. Quite cute.

*complimentary desserts* -____-

#1: Sagatiba Pur a Cachaca (40% alc)

#2: My Gay Eclipse (37.5% alc)

#3: Appletons 12 Yr (43% alc) – it was the worst! burnt my throat like it was on fire! and it had this pickling feeling on your tongue. xP

half way there!! we took a little rest because we could feel it in our head already! haha~ Noobs.

#4: Sailor Jerry’s Spiced Rum (40%alc) – it was spicier than the #3!! it tasted a little spicy with that sort of burn feeling as well..

#5: Plantation Nicar agua (37.5%alc) This was.. weird. It says there’s a hint of crème brulee but bullpoopie! it tasted nothing like that. HAHA.. or well, perhaps we don’t know HOW TO taste..hmm~

#6: Plantation XO (40%alc) – this was quite yum actually compared to the rest.. Not burn-y. It was alright. (:

& at the back of the cards there are pictures of old celebs! cool!!

these saved me from being gone to tipsy.. (: life saver.

yeap! we finished ‘em! wait to go.. NOOB POWER! *teehee*

More pictures of US before drinking.. during, the break and after! (:

Drink with elegance (:

VIEW SLIDE SHOW

DOWNLOAD ALL

Yes we were on the tram. Haha! Pity those innocent citizens. Had to bear with my awesomely loud voice and our crazy camwhoring. *eeks!

Anyway. It was a pretty Awesome night.

Walked Rachel to Bevan’s place. On the way back, got myself thinking. Thank God I did not follow what my heart wanted me to do. Went straight to the tram stop and waited for the tram. (:

It isn’t hard but well, I am training to strengthen my heart day by day. Soon you’ll just be who you once were to me – a friend. Then, I think I would be able to draw the line, thick and clear with much of my banana-ness. :D

Not going to think and dwell on something that wouldn’t happen right? Must always keep that in mind.

Will move on from now on. 一个人拍手太可怜了。太可惜了。

你真的是一个很好的朋友。对不起。真的很对不起。令到我们之间开了一个洞。很大很大的洞啊。

唉。就这样吧了。我做不到什么了。我已经尽量的把洞好好关起来，但是都没用啊。

算了吧。在海里，我相信一定会有比较好的一条鱼来配合我。只能耐心地等待。一直不能放弃哦！

I think my Chinese is improving! (: Coolios~

Anyway, I have to start studying already. Going to DEACTIVATE my Facebook for at least a month and stop all Social networking! haha~ (: I know I can do it. I’ve done it before. Plus its not very tempting anymore to me.

Whats tempting me now is this:

this is the 8th Book. (: haha~ Bought it in Borders. Totally forgot it came out this year! Was super duper mad and insane with this series. But when SPM came, I stopped. Stopped hoping for ‘Awakened’ & it bumped into me when I was browsing through Borders. Fate! teehee!!

they did not add ‘burned’! it was the 7th book. (: in Yellow! Anyway.. Can’t wait for the next one. WEE!!

Okay! I got to go now. Ice cream calling. And the clothes are waiting for me to fold ‘em up nicely. Plus I have a Math test tomorrow! Fingers crossed I know what I’m doing.

Love, Hannah

Back to school! Yr 11 Term 4 Day 1!

2011-10-10T19:17:00.001+11:00

Oh my lovely sun. where are you hiding again?

Shivering in the cold, cycled to school.

First lesson: PE! oh. awesome. had to brainstorm. (my only yr 12 sub) & my marks were.. just above average. :( gotta push already! :/

Recess: Cissy cut her hair! omigosh. 很美啊！ so jealous! ish.. I want to cut my hair too.. this long hair is pissing me off because its growing so slowly!!! :X

Third lesson: Math. Calculus. I feel, smart! Oh sweet chain rule and product rule! :) mmm~ got me some workin’ brain. :D

4th lesson: business. Dean. still can’t control the overly noised up class. :/ pity.

5th lesson: English. nothing great.

well. the day passed by just normally. :)

what shall I do to pump in excitement back into my life?

don’t want to let the always-moving-in-one-direction society to push me with them!

mustn't let that happen! no no no.

Read Jerome’s blog today. how we have grown up.. such innocence before.. *smiles* Church buddies.. Serene, Yan Wen, Jerome & I since 7. Joshua is in and out constantly. Patrick & Angela joined in 2009. My home sweet CHURCH. Can’t wait to go home!! :D

Read 姐’s blog as well. Almost cried again. :/ I look so CINAPIAO today. my eyes were so puffy already.. not letting it happen again!! :D anyway, Jie said she walked down our memory lane and so how we have changed, physically. Well, DUH, of course we’d be fatter! Omigosh. How was I that.. thin before?!!! *killmenowplease!* haha..

so embarrassed to see how geeky I was. well, I’m still am. Oh crap! :P

Who cares? As long as I’m still me on the inside. HannahLeongWaiSan梁慧珊 is my name! Remember that! Teehee.

Love, Hannah

come, join me on my walk down my memory lane..

from the most recent till the very start.. :)

sigh.

I was a bigger baby than Joelynn!

2011-10-10T01:48:00.002+11:00

Hello my dear readers,

It has been a TOUGH week for me lately.. Had so much going on that I just lost track with whatever I was doing.

Lost my way. it was bad. so bad.

I betrayed all that I love, I betrayed myself and especially GOD.

I led myself to believe what Satan would want me to believe in which is this: God is so disappointed in you, He has turned away from you because you have sinned so badly, Others will judge you and point fingers at you if you tell anyone what you have done.

That was what I believed in for the last few days.. it was DEPRESSING! I felt so lonely. So useless. So stupid. So hopeless. So weak. So tired. So.. Unclean.

But today I decided to tell Maria. I decided to open up and cry for help. To let someone know that I need help. That I need some strength and encouragement to run back to Him, Him who loves me so much that He was willing to die for me even if I am the only one on this earth.

Maria told me that its what Satan does. Lies to us and that makes us even weaker, even more fragile and useless.I thank God that He is in control. That he led Maria into my life. He led me to seek Pastor Lou the other day in footsteps. Led me to ask for his help for prayer. Then God led Pastor Lou to ask Maria to mentor me. I believe all happens for a reason. That is why I love God so much.

I have repented. (sort of, haven’t told my parents.) I have talked to Jie about my problems, I have patched up the holes in our relationship. We bawled our eyes together. And I think I will look CHINESE tomorrow when I go to school! haha (oh wait, when I go to school later in another 6 hours. EEKS!) I thank God that He gave me the strength to talk things through between me and Jie. Relief.

I now believe that all is possible in Him. Just turn back to Him. No matter what I have done wrong, He will surely forgive me. Run back to Him as fast as possible because He is waiting with wide and opened arms. :) I love Him. (full.stop.)

He has indeed done great things. (currently listening to God is able by Hillsongs) For the Lord, Our God is able!!

Oh. You must be wondering why my title is my title for today’s post. Joelynn is Pastor Sandy’s and Maria’s 1 year old daughter. She’s A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E! Anyway, when I was having my H2HT (heart to heart talk) with Maria, I cried. & I think I cried worst than a baby would. haha! I felt like a baby. :P

Oh well, it made me who I am now. I’m actually smiling. A mistake is a mistake and it will be in the past that molds my future. :)

After talking to Maria and Jie. and Eunice and Serence, And Rachel. I feel so much lighter. I feel so weightless! I feel like my smile is more genuine now. My old self is returning. I hope. Fingers crossed!

Love the Lord. Love God. Love myself. Love my family. Love my friends. Love all!

its all about Love – Receiving and Giving.

Love, Hannah

PS: School starts in another 6 hours plus! *argh*

PPS: Eunice is my prayer partner and I’m going to have a TEA-DATE with her! can’t wait!

PPPS: I miss my friends. To all of you (so many that I am SO LAZY TO TYPE), I’m sorry I made distance an excuse that kept us apart. Do know I’m still here for you. Do know that I am always your gal! :)

PPPPS: I miss you DADDY! Its such a nice shot of you don’t you think? haha! Makes me remember how you’re so business like in your working clothes.

PPPPPS: I miss you MUMMY! You’re the greatest! 사랑해요 don’t know what has gotten into you with korean but I love it! :) we shall learn together 엄마.

PPPPPPS: please note that what I will tell you (mummy and daddy) might be shocking. But I will still tell you. Do know this before hand. I love you and I meant no harm.

love Google translate! shakes

2011-10-04T04:38:00.002+11:00

已经快五点了。姐在我旁边睡着个好觉。嘻嘻！

我开玩笑罢了啦。teehee!

不知道我为什么不能睡觉。我的眼睛很像要关起来了但是也总不能睡觉!

心事？可能吧。但是我不敢跟您分享。太夸张了。

我只希望老天爷会体谅我和我的心事。帮我快把它解决起来。

哦！我的华语真的很好笑列！哎呀，不管了啦。麻烦到头都痛起来了！

爱，慧珊

When.I.lose.my.w.a.y..

2011-10-04T03:06:00.001+11:00

Its psychology.

When its really cold, tell yourself your not & you wouldn’t feel as cold anymore.

same concept! :)

I really love this picture! Its like my album cover but sadly I wouldn’t DARE publish any of my songs.. plus its not even good enough. HAHA!

********************************************************************************

02102011, Sunday

Was in the worship band for the evening service. Colin’s band of course.

Some usual people.. Colin, Hazel, ME, Jo & Lip. New members? Linda & Nic. Danana & Hervey(?) in the sound system.

lovely time of worship. loved the sermon! especially the sermon. ~~No one noticed this but I sort of cried after singing the last song. (thank GOD I didn’t tie up my hair)~~

The sermon was on ‘No escape’ by Pastor Sandy. (Hebrews 12:14-27)

Warning and Encouragement
¹⁴ Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. ¹⁵ See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. ¹⁶ See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. ¹⁷ Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. Even though he sought the blessing with tears, he could not change what he had done.
The Mountain of Fear and the Mountain of Joy
¹⁸ You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; ¹⁹ to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, ²⁰ because they could not bear what was commanded: “If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned to death.”^[c] ²¹ The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, “I am trembling with fear.”^[d]
²² But you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, ²³ to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the Judge of all, to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, ²⁴ to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

²⁵ See to it that you do not refuse him who speaks. If they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, how much less will we, if we turn away from him who warns us from heaven? ²⁶ At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, “Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.”^[e] ²⁷ The words “once more” indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain.

He said this one part that got me thinking. “Hardship is the OPPORTUNITY to reap the finest harvest” – verse 14. NLT: Try to live in peace with everyone, and seek to live a clean and holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. (NLT - Tyndale House)

currently I am finding it difficult to move forward. I feel like I’m stuck. I know its wrong to not move forward and feel comfortable with where I am at the moment. Help me Lord. I wish to have the strength. I have my exams coming up. School starts next week! I haven’t finished my homework and I am sort of living THE life? :(

As soft as a feather of the bird

As gentle as a mother’s touch

As charming as the gem that shines under the light

As sweet as pure honey

All of which I desire

Yet something has to be sacrificed

Earthly pleasures they are

Only temporary happiness

Temporary satisfaction

Wake up says He

“Turn your eyes to me & only me

Double the happiness you’ll gain

Triple all of the earthly pleasures you desire

In my kingdom you shall seek

greater treasures & worldly peace

Turn Your eyes on me

& the things of this earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of my glory and grace.”

Weak is the word to define me.

Weak against sins, desires and pleasures! Too weak.

I wanted to let go. Wanted to feel how its like to just cross the line. So close to just feeling the pleasure from this ‘earthly treasures’. So close.

What stopped me? It felt weird. Perhaps ‘cause I’ve never done it before & also there was this little voice in my head (like an alarm) that kept going on and on. My heart beat increased. Suddenly it felt as if I died and woke up again, alert. :/

This reminds me of the verse.. 1Cor10:13 - ¹³ No temptation^[a] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted^[b] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,^[c] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

So I believe that little voice and this conscience is Him. So glad that He is always there.. :)

Well I know I’m not out of this situation yet and I’m not close to forgiving myself but I know God is there and He will always be there.. with open arms..Christ's invitation is like a door opened before us, beckoning us to enter. No force can shut that door or take away Christ's offer of forgiveness. :D

But how do I forgive myself? How do I fix what I have done when I keep having the urge to not fix it but to continue on with it? :(

I shall not worry.. because I know He will give me the strength to handle it. no one will get scarred & everyone will live happily ever after. (lies with the H.E.A but yes I know that we will be happy in Him)

只有他明白 will be my phrase from now on.. :)

爱，慧珊 (Love, Hannah)

PS:

carrot cake I baked! at 11pm!! :)

Mao’s Last Dancer

2011-09-28T03:53:00.001+10:00

一级棒！

JUST watched it! I remembered that I saw it (the book) last year in my Aunt’s house here in Melbourne. But they don’t sell it in Malaysia. Plus I was a book addict last year and it was close to my big final exam so my dad didn’t allow me to read it.

& I stumbled on this movie when I was @ cell! David (my cell leader) transferred it to my hard drive!

Beautiful! Just beautiful!! What a life! :)

such gracefulness! ahh~

this is Li CunXin and his family. HERE in Australia! :D where though? I want to stalk him!!

Well, I am encouraging ALL of you to watch this lovely movie! (download with Subtitles! loads of chinese)

I definitely cried! :( it is so touching.. Shows how he persevered. Shown me true family love and tradition. :) I love being a CHINESE! well, sorry to you racist BUMBUMS that love to pull your eyes to mock us! I don’t give no bumbum about what you think about us. For all I know, we are one of the most hardworking people on earth! & we have a higher level of perseverance! (might exclude me a little but I’m still proud of being a CHINESE! teehee)

Love, Hannah

我的华语退步了！

2011-09-28T01:12:00.001+10:00

不好不好！我那么辛苦学了华语从5岁到13岁, 现在我那么容易把它忘了！

唉！

Tuesday. [ 27.09.11]

Woke up at 2pm! NOOooOo..

Well I slept late last night. Watched a movie. What was it again? Er, I think it was a cartoon movie. Oh ya! Gnomeo & Juliet. Aw! it was ADORABLE!

Anyway, i baked chocolate cake as well last night. Yum! well, of course not as yum as those u can buy! this is made from LOVE! :P

Watched Monte Carlo which was surprising not bad! & then cycled to Barkley Square to get some groceries. On the way there, I was inhaling the LOVELY scenery of many working cars going home. Reminds me of my parents. The habit of coming home & doing the usual things they do when they get back.

Eg: My dad would come home & spend about 30minutes until an hour in the garden. Feeding the fish. Cleaning the pond. Scolding my dogs for making too much noise. Admiring the fishes swimming. & I would usually shout to let him and everyone else know it is time to eat! (loudspeaker for dinner time!) Then he would come in and sometimes complain that he got heaps of mosquito bites! TEEHEE!

Talking about mosquitos, we have it here too! I have 2 bites on my face! :( BUMBUM. 不喜欢!

Need to get something to kill ‘em! :P I feel like a murderer but.. its best if there are lesser of them right?

OH! It was my last Alpha video today! It was really nice. Loved the discussions too. We were on the church topic. I loved the part where Nicki said this “When you come into a relationship with God, you come into a family(church)” & this part too! “Everyone is unique & beautifully made, get involved in His kingdom, don’t just be a consumer but a contributor!”

& Revelations 21:2 :"And I saw the holy town, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, like a bride made beautiful for her husband." 很喜欢！

Really loved today’s topic. Interesting & it did answer heaps of my questions as a ‘Christian’. :)

Isaiah 61:10 I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

& all this bride and groom talk is making me think, again, of MY ‘wedding to come’ :)

Have my wedding song thought of. Sort of choreographed my wedding dance. Thought of my wedding dress. Location. etc! well, only one I’m not certain of.. the GROOM! haha!

I want it to be outdoors! Preferably the beach since I LOVE the waters. The reason why I would want it outside overlooking the nice blue sky, so that God (my Father) will be able to look down upon us and smile with happiness. & that my angels will be able to be a witness to this beautiful event! teehee!

& this picture is so PRETTY!

oOoOo! Wedding dresses too! Actually, I wanted to wear my mum’s wedding dress but sadly she didn’t have one. She rented it! 唉！Oh well, Its okay. I will BUY mine & keep it for my daughter! (hopefully she would want to wear it! :P )

I definitely want it long (not the train!) and that it shows a kind of nice flow that symbolizes the free flow of water. :) hmm~ & also I don’t want a veil or anything on my head! NOT A TIARA! simple is all I need. :D

she looks simple & happy! most importantly, happy! :) don’t want too much make up! want to look like my normal self so my husband to be would marry me for who I really am. :) not someone who is MADE UP.

*sigh* CAN’T WAIT! hehe!

Love, Hannah

PS: not really sure how my title fits in with all these weird contents! :P

以及何時我認為誰都不知道..

2011-09-27T22:37:00.001+10:00

[26.09.2011]

& when I thought no one knew.. That’s what the title says.

Anyway, I have officially STARTED my ‘holidays’ – 2 weeks!

You might think, ‘Aww, so good!’. Well I think NOT!

Got to catch up with work. Got to clean up my house. Got to do so much because of how much I slacked before! BooHoo!

Catch up with my school work! (MM and PE esp!!)
Read up Exodus for the mentor session with Maria.
Buy myself a nice pair of flippies for spring!! Got to air my feet now. :)
Design an ad for the room that I’m going to rent out.
Prepare lists of things I need to get to bring HOME and a list of what I need to BUY when I am HOME.
Fulfill promises that I made.. EG: Rachel. Eat @ Spicy Fish? WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO! :( I’m going to so get gastric! NoOOo. Drinking session with Rach, J&J&JY.
get my abs back!
Have a quiet time to think of what subjects I need to take next year.
Keep in touch with my younger siblings especially Ben.
-SO MANY MORE!-

I feel bad. I was rude to my mum just now. Well, I’m sorry. Didn’t mean it.

She asked why I didn’t go to school today? I know what I am doing. There isn’t any classes today so I am not obliged to. Not a kid no more. & plus I am still a little fragile from last Thurs. Worst day of my life + Friday Night work + Saturday Lunch Work = Saturday after work SOJU!

Oh! Guess what? When I was removing my nail polish with Acetone, the smell of Acetone is so similar with SOJU! hmm~ you thinking what I’m thinking? haha!

The girl in the picture. Looks happy huh?

Yesterday was a nice day. Simple and beautiful.

Loved the sermon by Pastor Sandy. Reminded me a lot of my father. Remember how he’d cane me and then I would have a little alone time to think of what I did wrong. (well, usually I’ll just be cursing in my heart! teehee!) and then he’d call me to him. & give me a hug. Then he’ll ask me to look in his eyes and he’d say this (always) “ you know why I caned you?” [this is where I’ll usually JUST nod] “I cane you because I love you. I want you to grow up and to learn from your mistakes instead of repeating them. I want you to look back and thank God that you have changed. Change when you can instead of changing because the time forces you to.”

I wish he was here. Cane me? Maybe. Too old for canes but never too old to get a little punishment here and there. I wish he was here to say “I am there for you, right beside you to guide you when you stumble on the wrong path.” 아니, 난 늙고 싶지 않아.

Anyway, got to stop thinking about things like that. Keep myself focused to what is coming instead of what has happened.

I was in Facebook (& omigosh! it is actually a word. Facebook is actually a word now! :P ) and I saw that my friend posted a new album on Lily studies. Her name is Sarah. This is what she said in her album description which caught my attention like how a firework show would.

Was noticing the form of the lily, how the petal was delicately swirled around, a lot like a puff of smoke in the air or a drop of ink in water or splashed milk frozen in the air. Almost like it was clothed, that I was reminded of this verse:
"And why do you worry about clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon [or insert well-dressed celebrity name] in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."
~ Matthew 6:28-32, Luke 12:27-31

Its such a lovely description of lilies. & such a beautiful way to let not only me know but for all to know how great His love is for all of us.

Sigh.

Foolish me. Always complaining. Always not satisfied with EVERYTHING. No wonder I’m not happy.

I can only now pray that I will be able to find the way in Him. Because I know God will always make a way.

Love, Hannah

PS: it is 27.09.2011 now when I finish typing this post. bumbum!

PPS: I’m SO not using any more smelly words but I’m going to substitute them with this word called BUMBUM! :) teehee!!

Meeting with my teachers.

2011-09-21T17:37:00.001+10:00

Wednesday, 21092011

Dear Diary,

Now I am starting to feel like I’m being attacked.

Finally!

And I thought I would be pretty blessed to just live on a normal life without feeling like I’m under attacked, like I’m the only one swimming against the current. Well, I guess my time has arrived.

Those absences that I had for my classes is now finally IN MY FACE! nice.

My English teacher had to have a meeting with me, my Aunt and my Sister. AWESOME!

I loved their sarcasm. I loved their lies. I loved the way they tormented me and most importantly they made me cry. I really appreciate their effort. They succeeded. Now, I don’t like my school. Perfect! I feel like I’m BACK in HIGH SCHOOL. oh wait. I WAS in High SCHOOL the whole time.

I’ve made them wonder, how is it possible that I can have such nice marks and still fail to attend school. Hmm~

Seriously, I don’t like where I am now. I actually felt like my comfort zone was being invaded. I felt so uncomfy! & how dare she say that I actually missed one whole week of school! That’s just a joke! I have never missed a whole week of school! The nearest to that equation will only be missing 3 out of 4 lessons of that week and I will make sure I attend at least 1 period! =____=

I am not a bad student. Not a bad daughter but I’m not perfect either. I feel so heart broken to know that someone so close to me doubts me. Well if I wasn’t in school, I KNOW well enough that I won’t go somewhere else! Even if I were to be out of the house and not in school, I know better to go and study and do something useful! Don’t doubt me. You can hate me. You can call me a bitch. But don’t think that I’m stupid enough to run away from school and home and do something that is not good for me. I know who I am & to be someone close to me, you should know better.

Well, back to the meeting. There’s a question that I despise the most. that is: “what are you going to do?”. I felt like yelling. Felt like saying.. “WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO?!” I know what I’m going to do. I know what I am doing. Don’t think that I’m a child. DON’T! The only reason why I can’t get up and go to school is because I slept late. That’s it! I’m not some stupid depressed bitch that hates school, that drinks the night before school and purposely intend to not go to school. PUH-LEASE!

I have said it more than once. I am sorry I can’t wake up. I am sorry that I did not attend your class. What I can do to improve that? Well, try to wake up and get my ass to school. I am doing that! geez! You don’t know how hard it is for me. In fact no one knows. Haha~

I just wish that when I die, someone can just open up my heart and see how much scars there are inside of me. But that is impossible, because it isn’t visible to see how scared your heart is. It isn’t possible to see how broken it is. It will just show a heart. A normal heart that has stopped beating.

I have no one. No one at all that I can lean on. No one physical to listen to my troubles, to wipe away my tears, to heal my brokenness, to hug me and tell me that he/she will be there for me. Yup. I am just perfectly fine with that smile on my face. Happily brushing away all my fears and tears.

I can’t even talk to God. I think I have sinned so badly that He wouldn’t listen to me. If only..

You know how they attacked me? I held back my tears. I kept my tears away from rolling down until she had to mention ‘mom’. Yes. No one can be my mom other my mum herself. I just don’t like it when she mentioned my mum. I felt like asking her to shut up. To stop pulling my mum or any of my family members in. Because she doesn’t know how it feels to be all alone, to keep all her secrets in her little heart and have all her troubles and worries stuffed in her tiny brain, unable to let it go and to feel a little assurance. No. I have no more strength. I don’t know how much longer I can last.

Previously, I was able to let most of my troubles go even with or without someone there to listen to me. How? By swimming. I just feel like swimming it off. Swimming all these emptiness in me. All these pests that is eating me from the inside out.

No, I am fine. I will just go and wash my face now. Look into my own eyes through the mirror and tell myself, everything is going to be okay. And smile.

Love, Hannah

Sunny Yummy!

2011-09-16T14:26:00.003+10:00

*puts on my sunnies* - COOL!
I love the sun.. I miss the sun..
Oh Mr.Sunniee Bunniiieeee where did you disappear to?!
Anyway, as long as your back.

Its so nice to feel the warmth on my skin..
To feel my eyes *squint*.. teehee!
The only thing that I need to make the sun even more LOVELY..
is to feel the water against my heated skin.. :)
= SWIMMING!

*sigh*
Have not swam for AGES..
which is depressing..
I miss feeling like I'm not bound to gravity..
I miss the feeling of being able to swim like a free fish!
Its not that I can't swim here.. I can..
Its just that I don't like it..
I don't like indoor pools! makes me feel like a trapped fish!
:'(

Nevermind..
I'll be home soon..
in another 3 months?
Realize how I still use the word HOME? never have I called my place here, Home.. Its just.. not right..
I miss.. the barks of my dogs when my parents come home from work..
miss how my maid boils soup every day and I can smell it from upstairs, I can even guess what soup it is.. :)
miss how everything is just.. at its place.. :(

3 more months.. :)
i can do this.. with You Lord, I can do this..

Love, Hannah
PS: I LOVE THE SUN!!

I want to tell you this..

2011-09-16T14:20:00.003+10:00

Dear you..

He is lying to you, He is playing with you, He just wants to pop your cherry.

How do I tell you this in your face?
:'(
I'm so sorry that I don't have the courage to just tell it straight..
I'm afraid you'd hate me.
I feel the tension between us already.
I don't like him. Well, he isn't bad. But I know he will hurt you, and that what he did to my sister is UNCOOL. no joke.
I just wish you would know what I'm trying to say but forgive me for i can't make it too obvious.
Just know that whenever you fall, whenever you need to lean on someone, I'm always here.
Forgive me, my friend.

Love, Hannah

Cowboys Ride Cows

2011-09-12T23:07:00.001+10:00

Please Ignore the Heading. Teehee~

I’m BACK again. :) shouldn’t actually be ‘cause tests are coming (FAST).

Just want to share about my day yesterday.

It was a Sunday. & I went to church.

What made it so special was that I served the Lord by singing (lead).

Other than THAT, it was my first time singing together with Jie on His stage!

It was pretty awesome! Funny thing was we were serving for both AM & PM

My church has 3 services (you must know) – 9AM, 11.15AM and 6PM

Now we are trying to separate them for the worship band so it won’t be so tiring to serve for all 3 services. So we had two different bands yesterday. the AM and PM band.

Its weird that Jie and I had to serve for both bands. Haha~ Not complaining. It was COOL!

it is like refueling your spiritual tank with new and overflowing grace of God! LOVE it!

I really wish I could be on His stage leading His congregation every week! But Colin told me that it would burn me out pretty quickly. Take it slowly. Don’t keep refueling because then the bottom bits of God’s grace won’t be used and it gets old which only allows us to use that tiny bit on the top of the tank. (sorry for the imaginative writing) haha!

Anyway, it was a pretty awesome day yesterday!

Woke up early with Jie, though she work up earlier. Took the tram to the city and started practice!

Morning band : Sarah (lead), Damien (S.Singer), Hazel (S.Singer), ME (S.Singer), Esmond (Electric Guitar), Nicholas Lim (Bass), Timothy Tan (Piano), Hughlyn (Drums) & Daniel (AV)

Evening Band : Colin (lead & guitar), Hazel (S.Singer), ME (S.Singer), Jason-JaJa (Bass), Joseph (Piano), Lip Hyean (Drums) & Rob (AV)

Daniel (Danana) is so sweet! Haha~ He starved himself from MORNING till like around 3pm?! My gosh, when I was singing through the 11.15AM service, my stomach growled!! How can he bear such pain? Aiyo. I took away a packet of Hainanese Chicken Rice from Church Lunch and I gave it to him, but while we were practicing for the PM band he gave it back with a note saying, Thanks for being so kind & You sang really nicely. Sweet huh? funny guy!

Anyway, had yummy dinner with Joseph, Jaja, Jie, Esther & her boyfriend.

I have a verse here, really like this verse. Though I LOVE a verse from Isaiah but I can’t really remember where it is. :P

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Love, Hannah

PS: I’m back to Indo songs again! teehee~

A story I created. #1

2011-09-07T00:49:00.001+10:00

Freedom – by Hannah

Waiting here, in the darkness, feeling so small, so fragile and so lonely. “What have I done wrong? Why does this have to happen to me?” I asked myself bitterly over and over again in my heart silently, tears flood my eyes. Emptiness without you, your love and your presence – the only family I had left and they just have to take you away from me.

“Run, RUN as fast as you can and don’t turn back..” this was the last thing that you said to me and it still haunts me. I kept thinking to myself, what if I hadn’t run? What if I stayed by your side and let them get both of us together? At least I know I wouldn’t be lonely and that you wouldn’t have leave my side. Regret and the feeling of stupidity fill my heart – that is if I still have one. I don’t blame you now, I know you wanted me to keep this life and to cherish it. To see the world was your dream but you gave it to me instead. You had dreams that you could reach and I had none but you still sacrificed for me. Freedom you thought you gave me, but inside of me, I feel as if I’m locked up, restricted and unable to spread my wings the way you would have if only you had this ‘freedom’.

The Japanese invaded my country when I was only 8 years old. I lost my parents and my 2 other siblings when they decided to bomb our village. Fortunately, my brother and I were in the nearby river washing our clothes and that was when we heard the loud cries and explosives. “No..!” I started to run back to our village but he held me tightly in his arms and closed my ears. “Shh, everything is going to be okay. Pa and Ma will be alright and so will Jo and Rae. Shh, I’m here..” That was a lie. We hid behind the waterfall for hours until the bombings ended and when the sky turned dark. I feel warmth on my cheek even when the water is cool against my skin. I prayed silently in my heart, prayed that God will have mercy on us that somehow everything will be alright. Xun held my hands in his big and assuring hand when we head back to our home. Ruins and bodies were everywhere. I saw my friendly neighbor that always brings food over for us, lying on the ground with her eyes fixed with shock and terror. We searched around and eventually we found our family. Dead. I still remember seeing Pa on the ground and Rae in his arms as if he were protecting her from harm. Xun found Jo not far from Ma, both of them had their arms extended towards each other. “Maa, Paa.. Wake up, Reen is here. Reen finished washing our clothes with Xun already. Ma.. You promised to teach me how to cook, how to dress up and how to fold the clothes. Pa.. You haven’t taught me how to ride the bike you just bought for me. Please wake up. Please don’t leave Reen. Pa..” I knelt on the floor near Ma while Xun just held me in his arms. I remember we cried together and fell asleep on the cold floor by the side of my parents and siblings.

Xun and I woke up the next day and I just felt as if the world collapsed. Clueless and lost. We prayed together before burying all of our family members. This was what we carved on a piece of wood and placed it on where we buried them.

Pa,

Loving and Caring you are

Always providing us with our daily needs

Even when your body fails you at times.

You taught us to endure hardships with a smile,

You taught us to enjoy life as it comes

And you were always there to lighten up the mood.

Ma,

Sweeter than honey

As graceful as a swan

As protective as a mother bear with her cubs

The warmth of your smile

Will always be remembered.

Jo & Rae,

Happy feet you both have

Laughing even when times weren’t right for it

Pranks were all you both could think of

Fun and games were all you know

But your absences will leave a scar in our hearts.

May God see that all of you are well rested and well used in His Kingdom

I only pray that you will look after both Xun and I from above.

Love, Reen & Xun

We didn’t have much on us so we decided to grab food and money from the village houses to start our journey for a better life. But not long after, Xun left. All I remembered is that there was 5 of them and they came after us. My skirt got caught by the thorns of a plant and he came back to save me. But they shot him. He pushed me and he told me to run. He threw me the bag of our belongings and told me to run as far as I could, without him. Without him. I ran and ran until my legs could not run any further. I collapsed to the ground and finally dared to look back. Hoping to see someone coming after me. Hoping that Xun had my back all along. Hoping that none of these had happened. Hoping that I had stayed by his side. After I sat there crying for a while, I decided to head back where we separated just to find his body and bury him. But I could not find his body; I knew where we separated because my skirt got torn up by the plant. I walked for hours just hoping to find him, longing to see that smile and to be able to feel protected just by being in his arms. I felt so lost, so vulnerable and so numb. I felt as if my heart was broken into a million pieces, perhaps even became dust and got blown away.

I blacked out after several days of walking without food. The next thing I remembered was that white ceiling and the fan that kept giving squeaks. A nurse attended to me after I tried getting up but failed due to the weakness of my arms. The nurse explained that a noble lad found me and brought me to the hospital. He left me a note with his contact details. Which still reminds me, I might have it around my room somewhere? Well, after a couple of days in the hospital they allowed me to leave but I hadn’t anywhere to go so I offered myself to volunteer as a nurse. This way I had food and shelter. Eventually after years of training I was appointed to be the head nurse of the army nurse troops and I even got paid.

Life just became a thing I had to get pass every day. Doing the same thing over and over again. Seeing injured soldiers and even failing to heal them leads to seeing dead bodies even more often. Life even became a thing that is alright to be lost once in a while. I feel as if I’m bound to this circle of life, as if it’s a very normal thing to see death happen every so often. Even restricted to want to make things better, want to make life worth living for them. But it is all out of my control. Life and death isn’t a thing that we can control. It has been a long time since I felt happiness, so long since I felt like a little girl. I lost my childhood. The days where a girl my age would adore and look back smiling, thinking to themselves about how fun and naïve life was back then. Well, I had it all different. Mine was dark, gloomy, and lonely.

I might have been given the freedom to live. But I haven’t given myself the freedom to release myself. Feels like if I opened myself up, the door would just slam in my face again, probably even harder. I miss them. I miss my family. I miss their laughter and the happiness they gave me. I miss my life.

Love, Hannah

PS: I hoped you liked it. Well. I don’t! Tears kept flooding my eyes!! :)

Rachel Tan Shu Yi

2011-08-29T23:08:00.001+10:00

YES! Finally 18? :)

Join the club woman~

Honestly, You are just an awesome housemate and such an awesome friend.

You can be super duper crazy but yet again, damn clever! :D

Nice having you around. Nice knowing you.

Just within this 8 months I’ve gathered:

your crazy
you are the 2nd version of Einstein!
you should be in masterchef!
you suck in directions!
you fail in one thing- sumo diet!
that you are damn stubborn
loves orange
hates pink
loves running
loves eating
loves shopping
loves Bevan

Well there’s so much I’ve gathered.. OOPPSS

forgot to add.. Gets high easily even without Alcohol! :P

I love you woman!

May you be the Light & Salt on other people’s lives like you have onto mine! :)

Love, Hannah

PS: lets be all LEGAL together!

Frenemy

2011-08-29T22:32:00.001+10:00

I JUST read a blog.

Quotes :

You find out who your friends are, who your enemies are and who your frenemies are and the sooner the better.

Well, I agree! :) It is like it hurts to wake up in the middle of a nice dream and realize that its just a dream. There you go. Its similar.

To think you know one so well, to think that you can tell everything to that one person and to even entrust everything you have to that one person THEN the next second everything just tumbles back at you so hard you can’t even get back up. (well, you can. it just takes time)

Going through that is so BAD. I’m actually speechless at the moment. To think that you would even HAVE the thought of hurting your friends is just.. UNCOOL!

Friends are where you fall back to and they would catch you. Friends are those who makes you laugh and cry at all the wrong times and yet the happiness will always be there. Friends are those who tells you they love you just out of the blue and still it means something. Friends are just as important as having a meal. Just as important as having an umbrella in the middle of a rain. To think of not wanting those must be INSANE! To think of throwing friends away by bitchslapping them is just.. *speechless*

Not at the right time of typing this post. Because I am listening to really nice and touchy songs and also seeing my friends pictures appearing on my desktop wallpaper every now and then (its what I recently figured that I could actually make my desktop wallpaper change every minute now! WEE~)

Well, I choose not to care about those ‘friends’ that would want me to be their' ‘enemy’. I have really awesome friends that can overcome you one little pest! You mean nothing to me. Nothing you do will ever mean anything to me now.

You can’t just whack me infront of everyone and then when I’m alone, tell me that you’re sorry. I used to think that works. Because I didn’t want to lose you as a friend. But now I see. I see that you are just using me. Just manipulating me. Just annoying the shit out of me that I’m already numb. So yes. you can go and stick a freaking pole in your hole which I’m pretty sure will shut the shit out of you. sorry for being harsh. But well, you made me bleed twice on the court and you continued playing. You continued scoring. You continued doing your thing. Continued wanting attention to you and praises to be on you. Well if that’s what you want. I’ll just assure you that I’m out of your way. I’m not fighting. I don’t want any attention if that just keeps making me sick and hurt. I don’t want you. in. my. life.

Love, Hannah

PS: I need Him, Family & Friends but Frenemies+enemies? No way.. I have more than enough dramas going on.

Donating–BLOOD

2011-08-29T22:01:00.001+10:00

YES it hurt! But that’s not the whole story.

What happened on this day.. Which was supposedly to be on the 17th of August! heee~

Went to school for awhile and did some work (damn productive!)

Then met up with Jufri to check some stuff out to buy for his EX-GF (weird huh?)

So we went all around Melbourne to compare prices and check out good stuff.. then came along 5pm for my appointment to donate blood. EEKS!

remembering the first time I donated blood it was NOT good because I did not even fill up half the bag and my whole arm went numb! not good! PAIN~ that will be the word to describe my last donation..

So Jufri accompanied me but he was no help at all.. HAHA ish~ anyway.. I was damn nervous la.. ARGH! sat down and that GIRL had to think she’s all that good.. I told her the last time I donated they couldn’t find my vein and she was like ‘oh its okay.. you should be alright and whatever..’ so I was like hmm okay then.. so she pierced that needle through my skin and nothing went through and she tries to pull it out and push it in and I was like.. YEAP that will definitely leave a scar (thought of it in my head obviously.. I was IN PAIN!) then she left it there and called the BIG nurse then they pulled out the needle and told me my left arm is ‘no good’ like what the HECK?!

So they said they would like to try my right arm.. I gave it to them and it worked.. woohoo!! and not long after I filled up the bag!! HHEEEEHEEEE~ damn happy.. :D

I like donating blood now.. Cuz after donating I get to eat free food! I stole some cupcakes and went for dinner with Jufri. :) he is awesome!

Couldn’t really remember what happened after.. :) but nevermind..all’s well!

Love, Hannah

right ARM – the not retarded one!

& my left arm.. RETARD? so not! she is a retard! damn it..

PS: the BIG nurse told me that I have a funny vein.. tricks people! haha! (like me! :P )

Why am I afraid?

2011-08-10T22:56:00.001+10:00

Today was a RAINY and COLD day. *bah*

slept till 10.30 in the morning. *not good*

did my PE work. Finally got stuff settled and sorted out.

Then I went to COBURG to the Fenix Fitness Centre to redeem 6 weeks pass from a voucher I bought. WOAH! can’t wait!

I set my goals already! Must be FITTER, TONER and Lighter (in weight) *laughs*

Anyway, I helped Rach to cook dinner. (first HOME cooked dinner after like forever!)

Went to church for dance practise! woah!! so TIRING!

The warm up itself wass.. *KABOOM* mind blowing and energy draining!

but I felt good. Like it was what I needed and wanted! Wanted to get back up on that scale and feel proud of myself.

We practiced our dance for VEGENITE. Had really hard moves!

Have to do the split and the bridge and the hand stand. I could do the bridge only! *SHUCKS*

To do the handstand. I must first master a simple cartwheel. and this is where my TITLE comes in.

Andreas (my friend that reminds me of my brother) kept encouraging me to just FLUNK my body and release it into the air! But I was afraid. I kept saying NO and NO. & then he asked me, ‘why can’t you do it? Just do it. What are you afraid of? Aren’t you a kid? C’mon, only adults worry about all this stuff.’ And it hit me, so hard, that I questioned myself. ‘Yea, what am I afraid of?’ *SHUCKS*

Used to be FEARLESS! but now apparently I am fearing EVERYTHING!

Fear the dark, fear being alone, fear of work, fear school, fear so so much!

Where have I gone to?

*SHUCKS*

I just hope that I could master this Cart wheel. It seems to me that it will help me to find myself back. *ICANDOIT!* but I can’t do it at home. No space. HAHA!

Love, Hannah

PS: be yourself and if you realized that you are not you anymore, find yourself again.

gullible.

2011-08-08T15:20:00.001+10:00

‘Smell the cake! it smells awesome!’

‘No I don’t allow you to use my laptop/toilet/..’

‘My mum was admitted into the hospital..’

Yes, these are the things I believed when I’ve been told..

I need a friend.

A friend that would, for once, not lie for the sake of fun.

I’m not gullible. or at least wasn’t.

I comfort myself by saying I’m this way because people are not suppose to lie.

But well, I got a comment today by my school friend, Cissy saying that I’m SO or TOO gullible. & its not good. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m this way now.

Maybe because I’ve came to a new place without a ‘spine’ and therefore I would just fall on (depend on) anything that has been thrown at me.

Like how a newborn wouldn’t be able to stand or hold itself still unless there’s support. Whatever support it could get, it relies on it. Well, I interpret myself as a newborn now since I’m new alone. I’m new to being independent. New to a world without my usual support. New to working and looking for work. New to balance WORK and school at the same time. New to having to swallow shit from those I don’t want to take shit from. New to many conflicts and frictions and so much crap that I just don’t want to look at them.

Gullible I am to this new world.

Sometimes I’m just tired you know?

Tired of taking YOUR SHIT and CLEANING your shit. Yes! I am talking to you. I’m tired. You think no one loves you, but in fact everyone does. But love yourself why don’t you? Why don’t you accept you for who you are and see the brighter side of things? It doesn’t take the world to move, it just takes you to move you. But you make it seem so difficult. Remember the sermon last night? Dr Jim talked about just trusting in the Lord and having both feet on the boat and SIT with your entire weight on the boat but you' are afraid. Or you seem afraid. Why? What is there to lose just to see the happy side of things? Aaron (LAU) told me/the cell that when you think of doing something, sometimes don’t think twice. Because when you do, you will think too much and therefore ending up not doing it. And that for once hit me. It hit me so bad. I used to think of doing so many things and will do it without thinking twice. & it was YOU who taught me to think twice. & I have changed. It did some justice to me thanks to you. But you should learn now to not think so much. You think TOO much. Not saying you shouldn’t think but not to the extend where you don’t even do things!

I am indeed tired. I have myself to worry but now I have to look after you too? I’ve got your back, yes. But I don’t want to carry you all the way to Heaven would I? Live your life because you only have one and only one you have. That’s as much of advice I could give.

I am thinking. Or well, I have been thinking. I might not want to study here in Melbourne. Might want to go far and venture for myself and study as well of course. I’m thinking of maybe Korea (yes, those dramas have gotten into me, but I think Korea wouldn’t be a bad choice because I am interested in their language and their culture) or Canada. I don’t know but yes I am quite certain I would want to venture out of my comfort zone. It’s a challenge I would want to undertake by myself.

That’s still quite far away but yes, I have been thinking.

Love, Hannah

PS: are you ready to trust in the Lord if He asks you to jump? I know I wouldn’t just jump. I would jump with the bomb style!

18 isn’t really a big number.

2011-08-02T14:54:00.001+10:00

HALLO!

yes. I have just turned 18 a couple of days ago.

Isn’t really a big deal. But it is when it comes to getting into a club or drinking for that matter.

Since my birthday was on a Friday, I had a birthday WEEKEND!

so here is what happened.

FRIDAY : 29th of July, 2011

I went to school as usual. Had birthday wishes here and there. Then after school (10.20am – short day for me.) I met up with JY at Melbourne Uni after picking up my dry cleaning.

We went over to her place (walked) and had lunch together (Instant Laksa noodles) & hang around a little bit more longer. After that, we came back to my place. Grabbed some homework, my guitar and a picnic mat and headed for the park and just chilled under the nice warm sun. (but the wind was so strong that it didn’t really help.)

Spent the whole afternoon with JY. Was relaxing in a way.

When it got cooler we headed back home. I got ready for dinner. (Jie, SamKuJie & U.Dan)

This is Me and SamKuJie

We 3 gals went for pre-drinks first in a really fancy hotel! with one of the best views of Melbourne EVER! (I don’t mind sleeping in the toilet- view is awesome~)

I had to choose one the strongest cocktails – Heart of Stone! Damn!

Swapped with SamKuJie after a few sips. don’t want to get all tipsy in my already-hard-to-walk-in-heels.

Met up with U.Dan in some bar and got to meet some of his friends. (beer people)

After that we went to Docklands at have DINNER!

Didn’t plan where to have dinner because that STUPID restaurant don’t accept reservations (so annoying! & so rude some more!)

Anyhow, I chose this Greek restaurant called SAGANAKI (which I thought sounded like JAPANESE! but it is actually the name of a Greek Cheese!)

We had a really nice time together! like ADULTS now. Used to be 3 adults and a kid but now, 4 adults! AWESOME!

But then, my stomach just had to give problems. Had the worst gastric/cramp or whatever it was while having dinner! I only had it once before this. And it didn’t end well. Was so afraid I’d pass out in the restaurant. I head into the toilet and squat for at least 15 minutes until it was safe again. (So sorry for ruining such a beautiful time together!)

That is it that night. Had some muffins from SamKuJie and some presents! LOVE YOU!

29.07.11

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SATURDAY : 30th of July, 2011

Woke up really late! was suppose to meet up with Sheryl in Church to discuss MC stuff for ISM Welcome Night (2nd Sem) that night.

Caught the tram with Jie (not sure why she was pissed at me.)

Anyway, we had quite a productive day. LOVE Joelynn!

Spent a whole lot of time in Church that day! Went to see what is at Lord Mayor’s for a while, GOT SOME GOODIE BAGS!

everything got hectic when the time got closer to start the night. Quite a number of people attended. (*phew*)

Apparently both Sheryl and I did a good job. I had fun anyway so even if it suck-ed I don’t actually care. As long as it is for Him and that I did my best, that’s all it counts!

After everything ended and the crowd was all heading for dessert, I heard this Birthday song came from the AV and I was like ‘wow! whose birthday falls after mine?’ and suddenly I noticed everyone was singing to me! SHOCKING! *silly* Was so touched that I almost cried. *laughs*

After some banana cuppy cakes, Rach and JY wanted me to follow them (BLINDFOLDED!) so fine, I went along. DAMN SCARY! was BLINDFOLDED!!!

we paraded along Swanston Street and I’m pretty sure everyone was staring. There was incidents like, me almost tripping, me bending down like an idiot whenever JY says ‘slope!’, me bumping into a pole, me whacking some random stranger. *shames*

once we reached our ‘destination’, I knew we were at Bevan’s and I was made to drink VINEGAR! (thank God I didn’t) I was still blindfolded for quite a LONG time. And then I was asked to guess who was there.. I guess all 5 right except the last one. It was Chris!

they made Mojito which was supposedly ‘alcohol-free’ & I believed! We played some card game called Pyramid and I drank SOOOO much! argh~ Chris was really lovely to drink some for me. Then we played blow the cards which was really hard because it was either I kept talking and pointing that’s why I had to drink. (there was some rule that came with that game and Rach&I kept breaking them!)

Funny things happened! Apparently I was running all over the place and crying and laughing and falling and shouting. GOSH! we went to Jufri’s place to crash and in the morning it was only him & I because Bevan came over to bring her to his place before the sun came out.

-Pictures are all with Rachel I think or maybe there isn’t- SO SORRY!

SUNDAY, 31st of July, 2011

Woke up at Jufri’s place. Had breakfast with Rachel & Bevan & Jufri.

We had Subway which was near Douglas’s place but he isn’t here. Oh well.

I went to church alone because Rachel had to go to Uni to do some project with her friends.

After church I ate lunch with Sophie! @ GOGI

SO FILLING! *gosh*

anyway, after that (about 2pm) I called like the whole world just to meet up with someone but all of them were busy. (so sad) so I tagged with Jie and Jufri came alone. Went to his place for a bit then called Bevan telling him I’ll be at Jufri’s place waiting to go to basketball with him. (apparently I could have gone to Bevan’s place but he said he just woke up and that he had to buy some stuff that’s why I was with Jufri)

Anyway, about 3pm+ I went for Basketball with Bevan! SO AWESOME! though I got hit by the ball in the face TWICE! I am alright. There was this guy (forgot his name), he looked like my boyfriend but was really tall and he plays BASKETBALL so its so not him. Almost cried when I saw him and when he was really good to me. Miss you Kinny.

After Basketball I didn’t want to go to church for 6pm Service but since Zachary was walking to somewhere near church I decided oh well, just go then.

Church was really nice and suddenly I got a text from Rachel saying that she had dinner planned so just go home. That was what we (hazel and I ) did. Went home straight after 6pm service ended.

The whole house was dark when we reached and we Jie opened the door.. “SURPRISE!!” and many pop sounds were made! (all the confetti's were everywhere! thank GOD I wasn’t the one who opened the door)

They planned this the whole day. Cooking and preparing for me. No wonder JY & Rachel weren’t free for me the whole day. Then Bevan was ‘sleeping’ before basketball was because he was at my place the whole time! *they’re so sweet* (SOBS)

they made homely food such as Nasi LEMAK, Rendang, Asam Curry, and KUIH LAPIS! plus they had Syrup Bandung and teh tarik! they are awesome! OMG!

we had dinner and after dinner we played Taboo. (My unagi with Jie’s weren’t working!)

after the whole game suddenly they brought out a cake from no where!! then I had to blow the candles (made a really good wish).. then after having the cake they surprised me again! with a BICYCLE!! T.T

I don’t know what I did or have done to deserve such beautiful friends! and I have known ALL OF THEM for less than a year! *sigh* they are freaking awesome!

was really hard to ‘swallow’ all these surprises they had for me all at once. I admit, I am quite lucky to have them as my buddies! Thank God for them!

LOVE you guys OH SO MUCH! Rachel, Jing Ying, Bevan, Jufri, Jen & Chris!

Surprise 29072011

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I REALLY LOVE YOU SO MUCH! Rachel, JY, KIN, MND, BNHIL, JIE, JUFRI, JEN and so many more! (disappointments have all vanished thanks to you guys!)

Love, Hannah

birthday tears

2011-07-29T01:13:00.001+10:00

생일축하합니다 – Happy Birthday

사랑해 – I Love You

yes. I’m saying this to myself. NOT depressing at all

(lies)

I think my eyes would be all swollen tomorrow from crying.

Skyped with my family.

They bought ME a cake which I will never be able to taste together. They sung me a birthday song and lighted a candle for me which my breath could never reach.

Oh well. Be happy and content with what I have now.

I even baked my own cake on Wednesday! *laughs*

I have Jie, Rachel and Jing Ying to be all crazy with on this birthday and whole year with!

I should be happy because God gave me 18 years to live! Should be very happy indeed!

I hope that I would be able to get used to this.

Sincerely

Love, Hannah

a little pause.

2011-07-25T00:10:00.001+10:00

shalom!

I’m back again.

oh gosh! I just realized how inconsistent I am.

first piano then blog then baking then now knitting.

all these little passion that I once had, are always fading away so quickly! like a sneeze!

you know how you have that phenomenal sensation before you sneeze.

like your whole body has this pause and every part of you in so tensed up and focused just on trying to sneeze?

imagine my passion span is the pause where everything is all on hold, and the sneeze comes and blows it all away.

I suck. I admit!

anyway, trying to knit. knit a scarf for that special someone. might be YOU!

my patience span is also quite limited! its so hard to knit! ARGH~

dislike those old aunties that knit in the tram that made me so fascinated to start with!

That aside, I went for 2 sessions of services today in church.

the 11.15am and the 6pm because both were on different topics.

the evening sessions will be now on ‘Authentic Relationships’ for 4 weeks and I will be attending those!

Today’s was quite interesting but again same problem. Committed Christian.

I know that dating a person that has different faiths as I do is dangerous.

I know that dating a person that doesn’t believe that Jesus is Christ is dangerous.

I know all that.

But he doesn’t.

I know I can’t date him and then convert him because then it will be for all the wrong reasons.

I know! but I am already in the relationship.

I can’t ask him to come over to meet pastor Sandy or someone like that to bring him to Christ because then, I will still be the reason why he'd be converting. right?

What am I to do? I can’t make him to go to church. I can’t, because then I will still be the reason and it is not right. I know the answer is to have him to seek God with his own heart. All I can do is to have faith and try to mold myself into a better Christian and therefore have him see a change in me.

Oh well, I know I am being judged of having a non believer as a person I am in a relationship with but I know that if I am not shaken nor have i/we done anything wrong that is against God then we’re fine I guess.

Not working this week. *fingers crossed* that it’ll be a good week!

JY is back! and JaJa is going back to Singapore for less than 10 days before my birthday, argh! its okay. As long as I have Jie, Rach, JY, SamKuCheh and anyone else I’ll be more than happy already!

Love, Hannah

PS: “If you try to find intimacy with others before achieving a sense of identity on your own, all your relationships will then only become an attempt to complete yourself.”

PPS: Psalms 37:3-7 :

Trust in the Lord and do good;

dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture

take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

trust in Him and He will do this

He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn

your vindication like the noonday sun

Be still before the Lord

and wait patiently for Him…

Heartache

2011-07-18T23:50:00.001+10:00

School has started. Ugh

Slept over and SamKuJie’s place last night (Sunday. 17/7), didn’t feel like it but still went ahead. Almost cried at the tram stop while waiting for her because I remembered that the last time I was at that same tram stop when I was with mummy. Miss mummy, miss home, miss the familiarity of home.

When I was there, every smell reminds me of family. Our first time at their place was a summer, I think in 2009? We went with PoPo. *laugh* I remember I slept with my undies on because I couldn’t bare the heat!

Knowing that I would come back to an empty house with no one awaiting for my return just made me feel so.. down.

Felt the emptiness. The loneliness.

So I decided to ring up my work place and see if I could work tonight and yes indeed I could! So I just did some chores after school and prepared for work. [I squeezed 3 kilos of oranges before leaving!]

Work was FUN! Aunty Christine wasn’t there but Aris was. Everyone was really good to me today! I did not make any mistakes at all (actually I did. but it is just a small one that it doesn’t really matter!). Aris was so brotherly! *haha~* I think I can actually mix well with guys! Brothers all from many other different mothers! Da pao-ed some fried rice (thanks CHEF!) for tomorrow’s breakfast and perhaps lunch? No worries. I also decided to work today because I didn’t want to scratch my head thinking of what to eat for dinner! DINNER was awesome!

All’s good!

Heartache is slowly fading away.

I have a song to share with you.

Its called, Dwell In Your House by Barry Collecutt.

Love this song, I downloaded it by mistake and coincidentally it touched my heart.

Listen to it when you feel down or perhaps you just want to be assured that someone is there with you and for you.

Love, Hannah

Too High + Too Low = Neutral

2011-07-11T01:38:00.001+10:00

Greetings to all!

forgive me but I want to dedicate this post to Him, for He has given me so much that I feel really over whelmed by it all.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for all that You’ve done and all that You’ve given to me. Forgive me Lord that I’ve shown my ungratefulness through anger and sin towards You. You are not a God that is created by human hands but You are the ONLY God that has created all living things. Heaven and earth are in Your hands and only You can fill us with complete love, joy and peace in our hearts. No one and no things can ever be compared to Your greatness and glory.

Thank You Father for a wonderful family that You’ve given to me. There’s no other better family that I could ever ask for. Thank You too for everyone that I’ve met through out my life that has indirectly shaped me into who I am now. Father, you have not only shaped me but also molded me and transformed me, though I could be better and could only be better with You by my side, Lord.

I want to tell You how much I love You Lord. Thank You for giving me a voice that could contribute in worshiping You and to praise Your name and glory by singing. & not only singing but to lead other’s into worshipping You too Lord. It has been a privilege to be able to worship You together with a band of talented brothers and sisters in Christ today. I thank you for giving me such an experience and I pray that I could learn from them Lord and to grow more spiritually.

It has been a wonderful day today despite the rainy weather. I really appreciate that there wasn’t any rain when I was on my way back today after the last service. Thank You Abba Father. Forgive me Lord for I have wronged You, for I have questioned You over such a small matter & that I have placed an earthly item as my priority before You Lord. I pray for forgiveness and peace in my heart Lord that could calm me whenever another small matter like this would ever occur again. I pray that my heart would be cleansed and any hatred or vengeance would be washed away.

You are the highest of the great High Priest Lord and that You are worthy of all praise. Thank You for everything and help me to just place my trust in You for everything would be according to Your plan.

I pray all these in Jesus’s name,

Amen

I just felt the need to pray and give thanks to Him. To Him that has given it all to me.

Today has been a day filled with worship.

Was in the worship team that was leading today. all 3 services (9am, 11.15am & 6pm)

It was my 2nd time on stage, being the back up singer.

This time was AWESOME because I actually SANG and led part of some songs. Because Colin (worship leader) was playing the guitar as well as leading so sometimes he had to break off from singing for a bit and I had to lead for a while. Other than the sweet comments from many, I felt happy because I felt the love of the Lord. The songs touched me so deep today that it made me warm despite the cold and windy weather.

I loved my band members that was assigned together with me. There was Colin (leader/guitarist), Randy (b/u singer), Rachel (pianist), Paul (bassist), Andy (drummer) & I! We had fun worshipping together and to make mistakes together and laughed it off in the end. Love all of them. Oh! There was Owen (sound guy) & Abrahm (creative arts director). Thank you both SO much for the encouragement of singing louder!

I had a really bad sugar rush today! *laughs* drank 2 and a half cups of chocolate! 1 from Max (with Kailyn, Vanessa, David & Mark during lunch break) where I ordered American Chocolate with Marshmallows while another 1 and a half from San Churros (with the band in between the third service). Paul gave me half of his because it was thick and hot. I ordered Chocolate Hazelnut Shake whereas he gave me his Classic Spanish Hot Chocolate. SUGAR RUSH! I felt SO full!

After the third service, when I was in the tram, I slept! Thank God I woke up in time to hop off at my stop ( or else! ) and the funny thing was that after I hopped off the tram, I ran back home. As in, I ran all the way home without pause! SUGAR RUSH indeed! but then when I came home, I crashed on the couch and snoozed off! *laughs*

But after a HIGH and HAPPY day, there’s always a tendency for Satan to do his work of ruining my mood. he would find my weakest point and squeeze it and crush it until I feel absolutely hopeless. It took me the entire time in the shower just to cool off and to worship God (singing) that I forgot about my anger and sadness. It is okay, it' is just a matter of time that the colour fades and that it becomes white again. NO WORRIES. Have faith in God, HANNAH!

Oh well, that’s mostly what happened today that made me went HIGH then LOW then NEUTRAL.

May God bless all of YOU that your week would be fruitful and that you would have a blessed week ahead!

Love, Hannah

PS: place your faith in Him and trust Him that He would provide you with all your needs and believe that He would not forsake you. (fruitful message during the sermon today!)

PPS: I watched KUNG FU PANDA 2 ytdy! in 3D! it was quite GOOD!~ but I had a headache afterwards. *yikes*

Someone turned legal before me!

2011-07-06T18:15:00.001+10:00

I know you are reading this CHANG RON!

*smiles*

happy happy birthday RON

have an awesome birthday!
May God Bless YOU!

Love, Hannah

well, I’m sorry.

2011-07-06T17:54:00.001+10:00

Hey there my lovelies!

My deep apologies for slacking away from blogging.

No wonder I have been so ‘stuffed up’ with emotions that I didn’t know where it came from.

Usually I would let out my feelings through blogging.

& now, 2 months of not blogging makes me so, FILLED with messed up feelings.

So here’s an update of what is happening in Hannah’s world.

Rachel (my housemate/AWESOME friend) has flew back to Adelaide for her holidays. MISSING her so badly now. Usually I’d be so crazy with her doing crazy stuffs together. But now I feel so lifeless. Oh well, she’ll be back on the 19th. Can’t wait!

Jing Ying (my CRAZY but SENSIBLE friend) headed back to Singapore for her holidays as well! Oh Man, She’s be filling herself with nice stuffed crabs, Kuey Teow, Nasi Lemak and so much nice food! and me.. lifeless! haha~ She’ll be back as well. hopefully soon!

Douglas (my matured & an awesome photographer friend) just flew back to Singapore to be with his GF. He just finished his degree! OLD MAN! anyway, he is so sweet to his gf! he’s bringing her to Taiwan for a holiday (surprising her). so sweet! :) just hope he’d be back to bake my birthday cake for me! hehe

Hazel (my on & off weird sister) is now ‘trying’ to look for a job which I quite believe wouldn’t be happening any sooner. She’s having her holidays too! Very active in church, unlike me. Hangs out with her 'church friends and spending her going-down-the-drain-money. Oh well, she lives!

Bevan (my buffed and crazy but caring friend) is also on his holidays. I think he’s going to coach kids AFL this winter break. & I just had dinner with him, his mum, and Douglas on Sunday night. His mum is such a chinese mum which is really different than mine. Though I obviously adore mine MUCH MUCH more. Won’t really see Bev much until Rach comes back! haha

Work- getting better but also not really improving. GEE, my canto sucks big time! HAHA. made friends! *fingers crossed* that I don’t jinx it again! such a roller coaster ride. never normal! always either UP or DOWN. but mostly DOWNS. *eeks*

Honestly, I think I’m going to lose my curves at this rate of eating! HAHA. NOOOOO..

Baked chocolate fondant really late last night with Jie. But it was really yummy and filling that when I woke up I didn’t even have the appetite to eat anything! The chocolate and the sugar is really not helping my curves at all! *argh*

But tell me, if I place this in front of you, can you resist the temptation? I know I can’t! *yikes*

My next mission is to bake something that I can have oranges in it! weird huh? But I bought 3kilos of oranges yesterday, so the only way to finish it is to bake it? right? haha

Well, I’m now having my holidays so I can have all the time to bake whatever I want!

Love, Hannah

the perfect daughter.. not

2011-07-06T17:26:00.001+10:00

HEY there my lovelies. Decided to give blogging back a chance. This was in my drafts for a long long time! so I’m back to complete and publish it. this was after my mum left, and when I felt really fragile. Sorry I did not complete it on time! *forgive me.*

She came and went just like that..

made all the difference possible

and now what’s left

is the empty house waiting for me

whenever I come back home

No one waiting for me with food

no one curious to know about what happened to me that day

no more yummy home cooked food

no more.. that little piece of Kuantan

no more that little piece of home

no more will last about 7 months.

how I wish 7 months would really fly

in a blink of an eye

because I am blinking so hard now

wishing that I’m in my own room

my purple colored room

with my maid yelling at my ear

my brother being a brat

my younger sister irritating me

family.. man I do miss a lot

blinking so hard that tears are rolling down my cheeks

*sigh*

missing how my dogs would bark

to welcome my parents back home after a long days of work

my heart would race

either with joy or sometimes with anxiety (usually because of my results)

would welcome them with my loud yell of MUMMY DADDY!

missing how sometimes when my dad walks in

and I don’t welcome him

he’d give his I-AM-THE-MAN voice to command me to welcome him home

now,

I’d stare at my flat’s front door

always ready to welcome that familiar face back home

but at the end of the time,

all hopes crushed

all familiarity disappearing

slowly just getting used to this, loneliness

‘its okay Hannah’ would be my only self-comfort I’d give to myself every now and then

‘it will be okay…’

Love, Hannah

PS: yes, this post is made out of many drops of tears!

Rosella

2011-04-30T23:29:00.001+10:00

Hazel’s baby piano, Yohanes and my baby guitar, Rosella.

my first guitar. and its given from my GodFather. haha~

Love, Hannah

PS: notice how my signature font and the font on Rosella is the same?

Inter cell picnic

2011-04-30T18:35:00.001+10:00

MUMMY IS HERE. she arrived yesterday! yippeee~

anyway there wasn’t cell today but we switched it to picnic.

here are the pictures:

mama Leong in the house! haha~ with her iphone.

the creator of our cups. JY

Hazel. Rachel. JY. mama Leong

this is my cup. thanks mummy for buying the jeans

we 4 and the 4 cups

I like this particular tree.. haha

monkeys

mama Leong

me.

Rachel

Hazel

she’s up. keep going!

yes! victory

ahhh~

im dead

meditating up there eh?

we 3. mama Leong. baby Hannah. Jie Jie Hazel

I love YOU!

shocked?

Shiro’s omelet?

JY made cookie cake

mama Leong bought me ice cream. yum~

sorry I couldn’t play soccer guys. but twister was some what fun..

anyway. Easter Camp update would come after. haha~ sorry for the delay guys.

Love, Hannah

Serene Wei-Ching, Chan

2011-04-20T04:30:00.001+10:00

we were naïve and young when we first met

silly as we go

time went pass us so quickly

little did we realize we are still friends

‘splish splash splosh’ goes the water

we became closer

endless laughter

countless time spent together

tears took our friendship to a whole new level

it was when we became sisters alike

then you moved

could have crushed our friendship, but

it still held together firmly

a phone call away is all we need

and now I have moved

this time further

distance could be a factor

more people in our lives

more things to accomplish

without each other

I pray to God

that we’d still be friends and sisters

just the same way we were when we were young

nevertheless

you had made your mark in my life

never would it fade

now and forever

remains the same

we were friends from church since YOUNG! trust me.. I think we met around 7 or 8 y/o

its so funny.. its about 10years already!

I know we’d still be together. no matter how far we are.

still. just a phone call away.

Love, Hannah

PS: miss you my biatch!

Doug n John.

2011-04-20T03:31:00.001+10:00

money money fly away. :/

woke up at 11.30am! late?

met Doug and John in Melbourne Central.

Had lunch at Ramen ya.

WAS SO FULL! (its worth it.)

after that we walked around. Doug was looking for a camera strap.

Then Doug brought us to the camera museum! OH MY! me love~

lovely cameras. so old and ANTIQUE!

one day.. one day! haha~

after that, we went to Chokolait. ooo.. EXPENSIVE and EXQUISITE chocolate café?

so tempted. gave in.

bought a paklova.

after that ‘guilty’ dessert, we head to an asian grocery. ooo! bought sardines in tomato sauce. YUM! for dinner. haha

head on to BIGW for camp stuff. eeks (bank card had problem.. thanks DOUG!)

oh well, we went to Doug’s place at 4.30pm.

John and Doug played a basketball game (NBA) haha.. funny!

Doug and I had to force John to let go of the Joystick. haha! he had to go back to Uni for an activity and he was sort of late but still insisted on playing. HAHA

John left at 5.30pm which left me and Doug. I wanted to go home already but he tempted me (again) in playing a shooting game. DAMN. forgot what’s it called.

we played and played. it was hilarious. we failed like so many times. because of me I assume.

but when we actually succeeded it was already 7pm. HAHA.. so I HAD TO go.. nice game! haha

here are the pictures.

Doug. John. Me. 19/4

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Love, Hannah

contented with my FIRST camera.

Bagoong + Tong Yuen

2011-04-20T02:22:00.001+10:00

Bagoong + Tong Yuen

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Hazel made some fried rice.

I made Bagoong. Actually Bagoong to me is a dish that contains boiled cabbage, smashed tomatoes, ginger, onions and a special ingredient.

Jing Ying and I made Tong Yuen. yum! must learn how to make rice dumpling after this.

wait wait.. there is a Tong Yuen story. its called unity/anti-racism.

once upon a time, there lived a peaceful green tong yuen community.

then came along a pink tong yuen community. They demanded for space and food and water. It made the green tong yuen community unhappy thus war was declared.

To avoid war, they built a great wall to separate themselves.

But along came these two different tong yuen that fell in love with each other.

They have to meet up every night to spend time with each other. Making it an absolute secret to avoid conflict between the 2 communities.

Surprise! they popped out a child. mixed breed! *shock*

“where do I belong?'”

IN BETWEEN!

the mixed up tong yuen brought both communities together! and they lived happily ever after.

Love, Hannah

Friendship (from school).

2011-04-20T01:55:00.001+10:00

is this nice or what? HAHA.. more will be coming soon.

just miss all the great times we had together GETHA!! :)

this post is specially dedicated to my donkeys and maty baty and left boob and mushroom!

miss you guys a hell load! HECK. even the universe couldn’t fit the feeling of missing u guys. haha~

sending my love from afar.

this poem is for you.. created by me..

the bell goes on and off

teachers come in and out of class

homework burdens us

but the fun still lingers in our hearts

because we have one another

little surprises

much of gossips

weird conversations

frequent arguments

awesome food shared

such little things that happened

means so much to me

and it will always be a part of me

now and always

you will be a part of me.

I created that in 10 minutes time with tears.

haha.. silly me. again~ I miss you!

Love, Hannah

PS: must so yumcha when I get back! haha~ LIN CHI KANG - SHY, SINLOCK – CHAL n ALLY, JAP n cupcakes n BAH KUH TEH – MATY, VEGE – DARSHY n TV

THIVIYA! why weren’t you here?! ish ish..

nah! special one with u..

me + him = US

2011-04-20T01:26:00.001+10:00

HAHA.. skype-d with him.

Am I sweet or not?

mi familia. with him.

Love, Hannah

PS: can’t wait for this day to come..

‘marathon’ .. I wish.

2011-04-20T00:55:00.001+10:00

got up at 6am. (thanks lougong)

CHILLY DAY. I think I was high on sugar when I woke up or something. haha~

I started jumping up and down and woke Rachel and Jing Ying up. I think I was hyper because I wanted to feel warm again. FREAKING COLD!

Jing Ying made us PANCAKES! so sad I didn’t think of taking pictures. SOWIE

anyway off we went to the tram stop. THANK GOD THERE WERE TRAMS! haha~

we went to Milano to meet up with Kailyn, Alicia, Wei Xun, Li June, Jaja and Joshua.

we walked all the way there as ‘warm ups’

met funny funny costumed people. NEXT YEAR PEOPLE I DESIGN! haha~

‘marathon’ I wish.

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I packed with Rachel to RUN all the way but I guess I’m too NOT FIT.

After the 1km mark I practically stopped. and told her to keep running without me.

I walked and then suddenly JAJA and June came up.. haha~

anyway.. I ran and walked and ran and walked most of the time.

for the last km, I ran all the way and actually wanted to stop until I saw the finish line. I told myself that I have to run till the end.

I thought about Daddy. How he used to cycle Ben in the bicycle basket. HAHA

Then I thought about the DONKEYS. how we did our cross country together. <3

when I actually ran until the end, I felt my whole body almost gave way. I actually couldn’t feel my legs properly. Haha.. WEIRD! I literally fell to the ground on the side when Rachel came up to me. DAMN TIRING! but I was happy! almost cried. Thank God no. haha

after everyone came back from RUNNING. we all went for ‘brunch’ though I didn’t not have anything except water. :)

it was about 11am. So I decided to go to church first. Alicia came with me. on the way we saw this golden guy.. haha.. I gave him $0.05. sorry man.

then Alicia and I ran to church.

I felt so bad stinking up the church.. haha~

after church, we went for lunch together at Hanaichi in QV.

Douglas managed to persuade me into going for basketball at 3 because of his polaroid. so I went home. had a HOT shower. then rested. about 3.30pm I chose to cycle to the bball place whereas Bevan offered.

SILLY ME! my leg hurt half way. haha~ freaking run killed me!

waited for Alicia at Vic Market. We walked together to that bball place.

here are some pictures.

I had some freaking embaressing moments. DARN!

Douglas threw the ball at me.. and thank God it wasn’t VERY hard that it killed my nose.. its just hard enough for my tears to start rolling down my cheeks. haha~ my nose is fine.

didn’t get to to touch his polaroid though. truthfully, I was MOODLESS and I also didn’t want to dirty his camera. Because I did shoot some balls so my hands were sort of dirty.

anyway.. before then sun went down I cycled home. OOO uphill I hate the most!!

I collapsed on the bed while Rachel was preparing dinner.

awesome dinner. haha~

this is us 3 silly people after dinner.

LOVE, HANNAH

A banana in a Kangaroo Island.

2011-04-18T17:00:00.001+10:00

HAHA..

since my Holidays are here.

And I’m new here in Melbourne I thought of wandering into the BIG CITY..

-alone-

A banana in a Kangaroo Island.

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Haha.. Actually I’ve been too all these places before. But this time, ALONE.

That’s the only difference.

Love the busy city but also clean and just nice for me to find peace.

Love, Hannah

PS: I should have worn yellow. –Banana-

so here's my story...

Valentine’s Day

The Holy Alphabet

& the yelling never ends..

I’ve just realised..

bye 2011 & hi 2012!

Bangkok :)

Home Sweet Home: Day 5 & 6

许诺

Home Sweet Home: Day 4

Home Sweet Home: Day 2 & 3

Home Sweet Home: Day 1

I mean what I say, sometimes.

I am merely a human.

Kaleidoscope

Thanksgiving Sunday! pt. 2

Thanksgiving Sunday! pt.1

Sunny & bright

榴莲公主

Tim’s Valete Dinner

Drink with elegance.

Back to school! Yr 11 Term 4 Day 1!

I was a bigger baby than Joelynn!

love Google translate! *shakes*

When.I.lose.my.w.a.y..

Warning and Encouragement

The Mountain of Fear and the Mountain of Joy

Mao’s Last Dancer

我的华语退步了！

以及何時我認為誰都不知道..

Meeting with my teachers.

Sunny Yummy!

I want to tell you this..

Cowboys Ride Cows

A story I created. #1

Rachel Tan Shu Yi

Frenemy

Donating–BLOOD

Why am I afraid?

gullible.

18 isn’t really a big number.

birthday tears

a little pause.

Heartache

Too High + Too Low = Neutral

Someone turned legal before me!

well, I’m sorry.

the perfect daughter.. not

Rosella

Inter cell picnic

Serene Wei-Ching, Chan

Doug n John.

Bagoong + Tong Yuen

Friendship (from school).

me + him = US

‘marathon’ .. I wish.

A banana in a Kangaroo Island.

love Google translate! shakes